I Will Carry You
by SuperSteph
Summary: How much will Guy have to endure before breaking down himself? --SLASH-- complete
1. No One Ever Said Life's An Easy Thing

Author's Note: I hate author's notes, so this will be the only one ... if you recognize something ... I don't own it ... if you don't recognize something ... I do own it ... the chapter titles are lyrics from Clay Aiken's "I Will Carry You." And please ... do us all a favor, and review!

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The rain began to fall softly to the ground, and Adam looked up at the sky. He didn't remember it being cloudy when they left their hotel. Guy, noticing Adam's movement, looked out the corner of his eye, briefly letting his lips break into a smile. Adam had always loved watching the skies.

  


Adam felt the pair of eyes watching him, and he turned his attention from the sullen clouds and connected with the piercing hazel that stared back at him. He offered a smile, and silent apology.

  


Guy just shook his head, showing he wasn't accepting it, but he did lean for a quick peck on the cheek.

  


Adam blushed. The two had been together for nearly two years now, and he still felt flushed whenever Guy displayed affection in public. 

  


They both, however, tucked their hands into the pockets of their suits, and headed into the church.

  


Guy kindly held the door open for Adam, and followed in behind him. Adam paused at the back of the church, observing who was sitting where. It was a little difficult as the church was packed.

  


Off to the left, Portman, Fulton, and Wu sat together, along with two girls. In front of them a few rows were the engaged Julie and Russ. Averman and Goldberg were sitting to the right, both with girls also. Sitting in a black cowboy hat, by himself was Dwayne, a few rows back. Luis was almost directly to right, in the corner, his arm around some blonde. Towards the front, Adam noticed the Duncan's, and the Hall's, even Peter Marks. 

  


Guy leaned his chin on Adam's shoulder and whispered, "Where should we sit?"

  


"It's up to you. You knew her better," Adam tilted his head to look at him.

  


Guy nodded and stepped in front of Adam to lead the way up the aisle. Guy chose to sit on the left side, six rows behind her parents. He sat down, and Adam sat next to him.

  


"I should go say something to them," Guy said, looking at the back of her parents' heads.

  


"Want me to go with you?"

  


"No, I should do it alone," he said softly. He stood up and scooted past Adam, and headed towards the front.

  


"I'm sorry Mr and Mrs. Moreau," Guy stood in front of the couple. Mr Moreau lifted his head from his wife's shoulder and gave a half smile to him.

  


"Guy," he said, standing up and shaking the young man's hand.

  


"Ooh, Guy," Mrs. Moreau stood up and hugged him. 

  


"I'm sorry about Connie," he said again.

  


"It wasn't your fault. I'm glad to see you here though, she always loved 

you. You were always something to her," Mrs. Moreau smiled through her obvious emotional pain.

  


Connie's little sister, Christina, stood up as well, and placed a hand on Guy's arm, "Can I talk to you?"

  


"Of course," Guy said, looking down at her as she walked them away from her parents. It had been almost 4 years since he'd last seen Christina. He remembered her as the little 13 year old who always tried to get herself involved in her older sister's life.

  


"You know, my parents think it was an accident. That she was murdered," Christina started, looking over Guy's shoulder to make sure her parents weren't watching or listening. They were talking to a few other adults.

  


"But it was. She was murdered while at school, right? Wasn't she just in the wrong place at the wrong time?"

  


"No. It was suicide," Christina said, "I was the one that found her, I found the note," she reached into her purse and pulled out her wallet, producing a piece of paper that looked to be years old, it torn in places and crumpled, and clear crease lines from being folded and unfolded so many times.

  


She held it out to Guy, her hand shaking.

  


Guy scanned it quickly. It was suicide. And it was his fault.

  


"She loved you Guy. She always loved you. She was going through a hard time when she broke up with you junior year. But she had faith that you'd stick it out for her, but when she was ready, you seemed preoccupied, or so she told me. I didn't get it because I thought you loved her."

  


Guy looked down at Christina. She looked so much like Connie that it was kind of freaking him out to just talk to her.

  


"There wasn't anything I could have done. I never knew she felt this way," he said softly. 

  


"I know. I'm not mad at you," Christina sighed, "I just thought you should know."

  


"But now you're making me feel guilty. That if I stayed in Minnesota, things would've happened differently," Guy looked over his shoulder at Adam, who was quietly conversing with Jesse. Both were smiling. Guy was sure that going to Baltimore was the right thing to do, not only for him, but for Adam too. And he loved Adam.

  


"Maybe," Christina said, "I just, I don't know what I was thinking. I just wish my sister was still here. 

  


Guy reached out and pulled the petite girl into his arms, and placed a small kiss on the top of her head.

  


She started to cry while in his arms, and Guy took that as his cue to lead her back to the pew to sit with her family. He was halfway back to his seat when he heard his name being called.

  


He turned around saw Mrs. Moreau walking up the aisle to him.

  


He stopped and waited for her to walk up to him. He could feel Adam's eyes on him.

  


"You know, Connie always imagined herself walking down this aisle to marry you," she said, putting both her hands on his shoulders, "And you two would have had a beautiful life together," she pushed a wisp of hair off his forehead, "You've grown into a handsome young man Guy, though I'm sure you don't need to be told that."

  


Guy blushed. What was he supposed to tell this woman? "Hi, I'm sorry for ruining your daughter's life, but it never would of worked out anyways because I'm in love with Adam Banks?" He couldn't say that.

  


"I know, Guy," she smiled, her eyes darting to Adam and resting on him for a moment before returning to meet Guy's stare, "I know, and I wish you two the best of luck in everything you two may do, whether it be separate or together. And I saw Christina talking to you before, and I know what she told you. She thinks my husband and I don't know, but we do."

  


Guy's eyes welled up with tears and he wondered how long he would last without them racing down his cheeks.

  


"We don't hold you responsible at all," she hugged him, "Just do me a favor and stay safe, the both of you."

  


She pulled away and smiled at the young man that she remembered as a young boy, playing hockey on the pond.

  


Guy nodded and went back to his seat.

  


"What'd she say?" Adam asked quickly.

  


"Later," Guy said, trying to use the least amount of words possible, in effort to keep his emotions in check.

  


"I'm gonna go back to my seat," Jesse said quickly, "I'll see you guys later."

  


Adam bid a farewell to his old friend, and looked around before settling into the pew. The church was nearly packed now, and Adam barely recognized anyone. However, he did notice Charlie standing in the back near the door, his eyes glaring at him and Guy. 

  


Adam turned around quickly and scooted a little closer to Guy. Partly because the couple next to him smelled weird, but mostly because it was Guy.

  


A few minutes into the service, Guy reached over for Adam's hand, and clutched it tightly, not letting go until the end.

  


The service was nice and understated, something Connie would of thought to be beautiful. Her #18 Ducks jersey was laid across the coffin, and Coach Bombay gave a eulogy, as well as Julie, and even Charlie. Though, when Charlie was speaking, his stare kept falling on Guy and Adam.

  


A few of her friends from college spoke as well, and it ended with Christina sharing some words on her sister. 

  


At the ceremony, the Ducks all stood together, including former Ducks and new. Guy and Adam were at the back, and behind everyone they held hands.

  


Guy still hadn't told Adam about what Christina and her mom said to him. 

  



	2. I Know You're Scared

  
  
  
  
  
  


It was at a gathering at the Moreau's that the shit hit the fan.

  


Guy and Adam arrived together, but walked in, one a little behind each other. As far as both of them knew, the others knew Adam was gay. The only ones that knew about Guy being gay were Connie's mother, and Connie herself. But Connie wasn't around anymore.

  


"Hey Banks," Averman said, coming up to him first. 

  


"Hey," Adam smiled, looking back at Guy, making sure he'd be okay without him. The two had come to a silent agreement to just keep away from each other. This wasn't the time nor place to discuss their personal matters with the others.

  


Adam sat down next to Averman and Goldberg, a cup of water in hand.

  


"Banks, this is Maria," Averman introduced his girlfriend. Adam had to smile, she was exactly the type he imagined Averman getting with. She had bright red hair, and glasses. She was a little on the geeky side but she seemed nice enough.

  


"Adam Banks, right?" Maria asked, pushing her glasses up the bridge of her nose with her forefinger, "I've heard so much about you. You were the star player of the Ducks."

  


"So they say, but I had great teammates. It wasn't all me," Adam knew where to give credit where credit was due. Though, Averman and Goldberg weren't two that deserved it the most.

  


"Hey, cake-eater," Goldberg called for Adam's attention, "This is my girlfriend, Angela."

  


"Nice to meet you," Adam replied, nodding his head. He still couldn't get over the weight Goldberg had lost. Angela, however, wasn't the most attractive. But as the conversation went on, Adam on the sidelines, not having much to say, he began to see that Angela was extremely funny.

  


"Hey, Banks, Averman, Goldberg," Fulton came up behind them, "Game, tomorrow, 10 am, in honor of Connie, at the rink." 

  


"We'll be there," Averman nodded.

  


"Banks?" Fulton looked at him.

  


"Umm, yea, I'll be there," he agreed, and he wondered where would he get hockey equipment from so quickly. 

  


He shook the thought off for now, and went back to listening Averman talk about something that happened just recently on spring break.

  


It was the yelling from the other room that brought them out of the conversation. Averman, Goldberg, and Adam locked eyes with Julie and Russ, and at once, the five of them jumped up from the seats and rushed to the other room.

  
  
  
  


"Fuck no, I'm not playing hockey with that _fag_," Charlie spat, glaring at Guy.

  


"Jesus Charlie, calm down," Jesse said.

  


"No, this is all his fault anyways! If he wasn't too busy fucking Adam, Connie would still be here!" Charlie yelled.

  


By this time, Adam and the others had joined from the other room. And all eyes fell onto Adam. He looked back and forth frantically between Charlie, who was standing on one side of the room, and Guy, who had his back turned to the angry brunette, his head lowered, but he quickly became animated.

  


"FUCK OFF CHARLIE!" Guy turned around, after that last comment. He had been taking Charlie's comments all afternoon, hearing them all underneath his 

breath.

  


"NO, GUY! WHY DON'T YOU AND YOUR LITTLE QUEER BOYFRIEND GET OUT OF HERE! YOU'RE NOT WELCOME! YOU KILLED CONNIE!" Charlie screamed.

  


Guy couldn't take it. It was one thing to be blaming him for Connie, after all, he felt responsible. But Charlie was bringing Adam into it, for personal reasons. Guy turned around and flew at Charlie, catching him off guard.

  


Adam gasped. He suddenly remembered that Charlie knew of the two of them. He was the only one that knew of them being together. Both had forgotten that night when he walked in on them. 

  


"I'm gonna fucking beat the shit out of you," Guy hissed, punching Charlie quick and hard.

  


Charlie rolled over, pinning Guy to the ground, "You little fucking pansy," he 

said, getting one good punch to Guy's face.

  


Guy rolled over, changing who had the power again, "I fucking hate you Conway. You don't know when to stop, you never did. You're just upset that he crawls into bed with me at night," Guy said, making contact with Charlie's ribs.

  


Charlie stopped, sending an icy glad at Guy. Suddenly he resumed with renewed anger. Charlie was still aching over his loss of Adam, as a friend and as a boyfriend.

  


Charlie threw his hand out, connecting with Guy's jaw.

  


It was when they saw blood dripping from Guy's face onto Charlie, that those 

watching broke from their state of shock, and took action. It took Adam, Portman and Fulton to pull Guy off of Charlie, and they shoved him into the corner.

  


Adam ran a smooth hand over Guy's forehead, and reached for the tissues nearby and held them above Guy's forehead. The two murmured back and forth, Adam making sure Guy was okay.

  


Portman and Jesse however had Charlie pinned against the wall, "You ever pull shit like that again, Conway..." Portman threatened.

  


"That was uncalled for. All that was asked was if you were up for a game of fucking hockey. You better not show up tomorrow," Jesse hissed, shoving Charlie lightly.

  


A crowd quickly formed around Adam and Guy, and even without saying anything, the two knew they all wanted to know about what just happened and if it was true.

  


Guy just stared at Adam, not knowing what to say or even how to say it. Adam looked up at everyone, and stood up from his kneeling position. He took hold of Guy's hand, and held it with both of his own as he looked around.

  


"Me and Guy have been together since spring of senior year," Adam spoke softly, catching Julie's gaze. "We've been living together, on campus, for the past two years."

  


Dwayne sighed what sounded liked a sigh of relief.

  


"This isn't how we planned on telling you guys," Adam said, the threat of tears in his voice.

  


"We know Adam," Julie stepped forward, putting an arm on his shoulder. Adam dropped Guy's hand and hugged Julie.

  


"Thank you guys," he said over Julie's shoulder.

  


"We're here for you," Russ stepped up, placing a hand on Adam's shoulder, "Both of you," he looked at Guy.

  


Guy looked up and smiled.

  
  


"I'm confused, why did Charlie say that it was your fault?" Dwayne asked, earning a jab in the ribs from Luis.

  


However, everyone still looked at Guy, including Adam, who had stopped hugging Julie now.

  


Guy looked from Adam to the others, and back to Adam, "Connie wasn't killed, it," Guy stared into Adam's blue eyes, a shade of blue he knew extremely well, "It, she, it was, she committed, it was suicide," he stammered, standing up.

  


From the other side of the room, Charlie watched, holding a tissue that he had to get himself, to his split lip.

  


Adam stared back at Guy, and a half a second later, had him wrapped in his arms.

  


Guy felt immediate comfort, the most he'd felt since talking to Christina and her mom, in Adam's arms. He leaned his head forward, and continued to speak.

  


"She left a note, saying how she still loved me and that if she couldn't be with me, that she didn't want to live," Guy choked on those last words. It was even harder to speak them then to think them, but speaking them, brought a new emotion inside of Guy. One he never thought he'd feel.

  


Adam hugged him tighter, but Guy, suddenly, pushed him away. He pushed his way through his friends, and walked outside in the pouring rain.

  
  
  
  



	3. The Road That Leads To Who Knows Where

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Adam was surprised that Guy pushed him away, and didn't think much of it. Instead, he followed him outside.

  


"Guy, come inside, it's raining."

  


"Fuck you Adam. _Fuck you_. If it weren't for you Connie would still be here," Guy yelled.

  


Adam stopped. Since when did this turn into Guy against Adam?

  


"Guy," he said.

  


"Just, leave me alone Adam," Guy said, leaning against a tree, "And go back inside, you'll get sick."

  


Adam knew right then, that Guy just needed time to himself. He wouldn't of been looking for Adam if that weren't true.

  


So Adam nodded and walked back inside. Mrs. Moreau was ready with a towel.

  


"Is he coming back inside?" she asked, as she wrapped the towel around Adam's shoulder.

  


"He will, eventually," Adam smiled a 'thank you', and took a seat by a window.

  


He watched Guy break down into tears, and fall to his knees, in the cold April rain. He wanted to run out to him, and pull him into his arms, much like he did for himself when Adam broke down on the ice, years ago. But Adam knew Guy, and that he would calm down. 

  


Julie ventured over to Adam, and placed a friendly hand on his shoulder, "Adam, he'll come around."

  


"I'm not worried about that," Adam said, never taking his gaze off of his boyfriend.

  


"Someone wants to apologize," Julie said softly. 

  


Adam turned to look at Julie, and then just past her, and back at the window when he saw who wanted to say sorry, "I'm not talking to him."

  


"Charlie really wants to talk."

  


"No."

  


"Adam, please," Charlie stepped forward.

  


"Haven't you caused enough trouble? We're supposed to be remembering Connie here, not fighting over past lost battles," Adam sighed.

  


"I shouldn't have said what I said. I shouldn't have brought you into it."

  


"You shouldn't have said anything."

  


"I'm jealous Adam, can't you see that? I'm jealous that he has you, and I don't. And I hate myself for screwing up the only thing I ever truly had," Charlie whispered harshly.

  


Adam was quiet. Why was he listening to this?

  


"I was so angry with myself when you got hurt. Not because I felt responsible, but because I was a shitty friend and boyfriend. Because I believed that since you'd be out of play, that all the pressure to win would be on me, and that I couldn't handle that. And I wanted to be as far away from you as possible. I wasn't thinking when I broke it off with you, all I could think of was the pressure on me to be the best, and I was angry at you. I was angry that you got hurt and left me with that." 

  


Adam continued staring outside, though, he was frowning now.

  


"I didn't realize it till it was to late, and I told Guy. I told him why I left you and what happened."

  


Adam turned to look at Charlie.

  


"I don't know what happened between you and Guy, but Adam, I love you. You're my best friend, and I can't," Charlie paused to regain his composure that he was quickly losing, "These past two years have been the worst of my life. I can't close my eyes without seeing what I saw when I walked in your dorm room two years ago."

  


"I can't change that," Adam whispered.

  


"I'm not asking you to do that. I'm asking for a change in the future."

  


"I'm not breaking up with Guy for you."

  


Charlie looked down at his feet. That was what he wanted, and with Adam right out saying no, he didn't know what else to say.

  


"Can you accept that I'm sorry?" he asked.

  


Adam looked outside at Guy, who hadn't moved from his crouching position in over twenty minutes.

  


"Apology accepted," Adam said, with a tone clearly indicating that Charlie was dismissed.

  
  
  
  


"Guy, are you going to come back inside?" Julie had come out with a cup of hot chocolate.

  


Guy looked up at Julie and looked at the cup she held in her hand. 

  


"I don't drink coffee," was all he said.

  


"I know. Adam told me. It's hot chocolate," she held it out.

  


Guy took it, but didn't take a sip.

  


"What's wrong?" she kneeled in front of him.

  


"I just can't help but think that if I never helped Adam with hockey, if I never got involved with him, that things between me and Connie would've been different. I don't know if we'd of been together, but this, her," Guy looked at the ground, "She would still be here."

  


"You can't go back and change the past."

  


Guy looked up from his hot chocolate, that had turned warm in the cold rain, and took a good look at Julie. Her and Connie had been best friends throughout high school.

  


"Tell me Julie, did she talk about me senior year?"

  


"You don't want to know," Julie stood up, taking the cover of the umbrella with her.

  


"Dammit Julie," Guy stood as well.

  


Julie looked back at the house she spent so much time in during her high school years, and she saw Adam peering through a window.

  


"All the time," she said softly, before turning to look at Guy, "She adored you Guy, and every day she beat herself up over the fact that she pushed you away. She watched you, and every night she'd tell me if she noticed anything new. And she was always asking others about you. And piece by piece, she put it together."

  


Guy never knew any of this, he had been so consumed in Adam.

  


"She told me, but no one else. She was so smart, so attuned to you."

  


Guy wiped at his eyes, though he wasn't quite sure if it were tears or the rain.

  


"I wish I had known."

  


"Guy - you can't change the way you felt - you can't hold yourself responsible for what happehened. It's not your fault that you moved on after Connie, yet she never moved on after you. And you, you've found someone who is so good to you. Don't push him away. He loves you more than life, I can see it in his eyes," Julie looked back at Adam.

  


Guy followed her gaze, and bit his lip. He and Julie turned to look at each other, and he whispered, "I love him Jules."

  


"I know Guy. Don't ever feel likes it's wrong for loving him."

  


Guy smiled from ear to ear, "He's a great person."

  


"I believe you. It's cold, can we go inside?" Julie crossed her chest with her free arm and rubbed at her other arm.

  


"Want my jacket?" Guy offered, ever still the gentlemen.

  


"Umm, it's soaked, no thanks," Julie trotted ahead back to the front door.

  


Guy laughed when Julie stepped in a huge puddle and screeched. He stopped and looked up at the window where Adam was sitting, except he was now standing, fingertips touching the glass.

  


He grinned up at Adam and jogged for the door.

  


Adam was waiting at the door for Guy with open arms, and Guy flew right into them.

  


"I'm sorry Adam, I'm so sorry," Guy apologized.

  


"It's okay, really, I understand. Today's been a long day," Adam kissed his forehead.

  


"I just wanna take a hot shower and go to bed."

  


"We can leave if you want," Adam offered.

  


Guy nodded and took Adam's hand, and set off in search of Connie's parents.

  


"Ahh, Guy, Adam, everything alright?"

  


Adam nodded and Guy smiled.

  


"We're gonna get going though," Guy added.

  


"I understand. Listen boys, take it easy, and don't be strangers. Our door is always open," Mrs. Moreau gave a half-hearted smile, kissing both boys on the cheek.

  


"Thank you," Guy smiled.

  


"Yea, thank you Mr and Mrs. Moreau," Adam added, and the two set off to find Adam's parents. They had arrived with Adam's parents, and were asking to borrow the car to go home.

  


"Sure, son, we'll fetch a ride home with the Hall's."

  


"Thanks Dad," Adam took the keys and smiled.

  


Aside from the current situation, life was good. His parents, originally opposed to the thought of their youngest son being a homosexual, realized that no matter what, Adam was still Adam. Nothing changed except who he brought home for dinner. And they couldn't have asked for a better boyfriend for their son than Guy. 

  


The ride home was short but quiet. Neither of the boys talked, they didn't know what to say. Adam could see that Guy was deep in thought, looking out the window, so Adam decided just to concentrate on driving through the rain.

  


When they arrived at Adam's, they both kicked off their wet shoes in the foyer, making a mental note to deal with them later.

  


"I'm so going to take a long hot shower," Guy said, heading towards the stairs.

  


"I think I'm gonna get something to eat," Adam headed towards the kitchen.

  


"No, you need to get dry and in dry clothes, you'll get sick," Guy pulled on his arm before he got out of reach, "That means you're coming with me," and he dragged him up the stairs behind his own water logged body.

  
  
  
  



	4. Don't Give Up Yet

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The two squeezed onto Adam's bed, after popping a movie into the VCR.

  


"Do we want to go play hockey tomorrow?" Guy asked, curling up against Adam.

  


"I can't. My wrist," Adam trailed off.

  


"Oh shit, how could I forget?" Guy picked up the scarred wrist and kissed it lightly. Just this past fall, Adam had received more surgery on his wrist, when they removed the metal plates. To the doctors, hockey was out of the question.

  


"Hey, Adam, have you tried since October?" Guy asked.

  


"No. I'm not chancing it."

  


Guy nodded. He knew all this already. He knew that after Adam's last surgery, that he truly wouldn't play hockey again. He could see the light in his eyes dim.

  


"What time is our plane tomorrow?"

  


"3:15pm. We have to be at the airport by 1," Adam said sleepily.

  


Guy nodded to himself. The guys said the game would start at 10. Guy was going to get Adam out there on the ice.

  
  


Adam's mom stuck her head into the bedroom not to much longer later. Surprisingly, it was Adam who was still awake, and Guy who was asleep.

  


"Hey," she whispered, "You guys alright?"

  


"Yea," he looked down at Guy.

  


His mom stepped inside, "What happened with Charlie?"

  


"He tried to apologize. I accepted," Adam stared at the TV.

  


"But you're happy, right?"

  


He looked over at his mother and smiled, "Yea. I am."

  


"Good," she stepped over to the bed and kissed her son on the forehead, and left a quick one of Guy's forehead as well.

  


"Mom," Adam whined.

  


"Goodnight sweetheart," she winked, clicked the light off, and closed the door behind her.

  


"Who was that?" Guy mumbled.

  


"My mom."

  


"Ooh."

  


"Go back to sleep," Adam chuckled.

  
  
  
  


Guy woke up the next morning to an empty bed, and the smell of pancakes. He panicked for a moment, thinking they missed the hockey game, but it was only 8:07 in the morning. He picked himself out of bed, grabbed the nearest shirt, and went downstairs in his boxers and tee-shirt.

  


"Hey sleepyhead," Adam looked up from his plate.

  


"Good-morning," Guy said to both Adam and his mother.

  


"Pancakes?" Adam's mom asked.

  


"Sounds great Mrs. Banks."

  


"Coming right up."

  


"So," Guy looked across the table, at his boyfriend, "We're going to the pond today?"

  


"Guy," Adam didn't sound like he thought it was a good idea.

  


"C'mon, we don't have to play. We don't have equipment anyways."

  


"Adam, dear, I found your ice skates in the garage the other day. I'm sure they still fit," his mom piped in from the stove.

  


Guy looked at Adam with a "Look you have to come" look.

  


"I don't know," Adam shoved another fork full of pancakes into his mouth.

  


Mrs. Banks set down Guy's plate in front of him, and Guy ate it quickly.

  


"Well, I'm gonna go get dressed," Guy stood from the table, "Thank you for breakfast, Mrs. Banks."

  


"It's Marie dear," she corrected him as he walked out of the dining room. Adam still sat at the table, pushing his food around his plate like a 6 year old who didn't like his vegetables.

  


"Sweetheart," Marie Banks sat at the table, next to her son, "You should go. It'll be good to see everyone under less mournful circumstances. You haven't seen them since the summer before you started at Loyola."

  


"I know. I do miss them. But my wrist," Adam looked down at his right wrist. Even just holding the fork made it ache. It was so weak.

  


"Tape it up and play your heart out. It's what made you happy."

  


"But I am happy. I'm happy not playing."

  


"Don't lie to your mother," she smiled, "I can see you want to get out there. And you told the boys you'd be there. Don't let them down."

  


"I can't play. It hurts."

  


"Don't think about the pain, and it won't be there," his mom stood from the table, and reached for his plate, "Finished?"

  


"Yea," he said, standing reluctantly, "Thanks Mom."

  


"No problem dear, now go get dressed. Your skates and stick are just inside the door, to your left.'

  


He grabbed his things from the garage, and noticed he had two pairs of skates, and he grabbed the other for Guy, and grabbed another stick.

  


When Guy came out of the bathroom, dressed, he was shocked to see Adam equally as ready, sitting on his bed.

  


"It's almost 9:00, we should get going. The rink's a little bit of a walk from here," Adam said, standing up, "I found a pair of old skates. They should fit you," he passed them over.

  


Guy smiled, and wrapped an arm around Adam's waist, and wordlessly, pulled him towards the door. He was holding Adam's hockey gear for him.

  
  
  


They arrived, sticks in one hand, skates in the other, at the rink. They were still a bit early, as it was still raining, and they opted for borrowing Adam's mom car. And they were still early after stopping at Guy's to pick up all his hockey gear.

  


"Wanna do some laps? Get back into the groove?" Guy asked, looking over at Adam. 

  


There was terror and fear all laced through Adam's eyes. Last time Adam picked up a hockey stick was fall semester of his freshman year at college, and that 

did not turn out well.

  


"I forget," Adam whispered, "Can we just leave, please."

  


"Forget what?" Guy looked down at Adam, who was still sitting.

  


"How to play."

  


"It'll come back to you. You're a natural."

  


"Guy, please, it'll be embarrassing. They're expecting the old Adam Banks out there on the ice. Not the crippled one, who can't even hold a fork."

  


"Sweetheart," Guy sat back down, "Baby," he took Adam's face in his hands, "Come here," and Guy led him over to the booth where they could rent ice skates or hockey equipment.

  


"Do you have any tape?" Guy asked. 

  


Within seconds, the clerk produced the white tape. Guy sat Adam down at a nearby bench, and wrapped the wrist with love, placing a kiss on the inside of Adam's wrist for good luck.

  


"That's so sweet," Julie said, as her and Russ turned the corner moments before, and witnessed the whole thing.

  


"Yea," Russ said, letting go of Julie's hand and wrapping it around her waist, "Let's leave them alone, and get on the ice."

  


"Good idea," Julie agreed, but took one last look at the couple before heading out onto the ice.

  
  
  


It was halfway through the game, when Adam decided he actually wanted to go in and try to play. 

  


At first he couldn't handle the puck right, and he kept losing it, with comments like, "Come on Adam, you can play better than this," from Averman, and a "It's no fun playing against you - it's like stealing candy from a baby," from Luis.

  


Guy watched painfully from the bench, as Adam kept getting crushed and tossed all over the ice.

  


Finally, Dwayne went in for Adam, and Adam took a seat on the bench. First thing he did was pull off his glove and looked at his wrist.

  


"Does it hurt? Maybe you should stop playing," Guy said, immediately next to Adam.

  


"Nah, it's not that bad. The tape helped. I just can't keep control of the puck. It's fucking pissing me off."

  


"Adam, you haven't played in two years. It's alright. It's coming back to you, I can see it. Just play like you did for the Ducks. Play because you want to," Guy said.

  


Seconds later, Adam went back in, this time replacing Jesse. Guy was still sitting out because his head was still spinning from when he got nailed into the boards by Portman.

  


Jesse plopped down next to Guy, "I thought he fucked up his wrist and couldn't play."

  


"Hockey's in his blood," Guy said, watching Adam gain possession of the puck, and go sailing down the ice. Not an ounce of pain crossed his face.

  


Guy jumped to his feet and watched as Adam sailed the puck past Goldberg into the goal.

  


Adam turned to look at Guy, and grinned. He scored. Adam Banks was back.

  


By the end of the game, Adam had scored two more times, and Guy had even re-entered, once his head felt normal. It'd been a while since he'd taken a fall that hard.

  


"Good game guys," Fulton said, when they all gathered on the ice to collapse and talk.

  


"It was weird without Connie. I've been playing hockey with her for as long as I can remember," Averman said. 

  


"Tell me about," Goldberg said.

  


Nobody brought up the fact that Charlie never showed.

  


"We need to get going," Adam stood up, speaking for both him and Guy, "We've got to be at the airport by 1."

  


The others stood up to bid their farewells.

  


"Listen you two, don't wait for another funeral to bring you back to Minnesota," Julie said, giving them both a hug.

  


"Yea, two years is a long time," Dwayne added.

  


"Why didn't you tell us sooner?" Fulton asked, looking back and forth between Adam and Guy.

  


"We," Guy started, but Adam finished, "We didn't know how to tell you guys. I don't know why we didn't, but I definitely feel better now that you guys know."

  


"So looks like you've got your game back Cake-eater," Jesse playfully hit him on the shoulder, "Whatcha gonna do with it?"

  


Adam looked over at Guy, who was right up next to him, bodies touching.

  


"I don't know, I'll figure it out eventually."

  


"C'mon, we really should get going. We've got class tomorrow, hell we had class today," Guy said, "It was great seeing you guys again. This summer, definitely, we'll have to get together."

  


"Yea!" Portman said, hitting Fulton's arm.

  


"Bye guys!" Adam said joyfully, skating off the ice.

  


"Later," Guy smiled, shaking his head, and skating right behind Adam.

  
  
  
  


Guy reached over for Adam's hand, and pulled it to his lips, leaving light kisses on each of his knuckles.

  


"A penny for your thoughts?" Adam murmured, his head back against the seat, a lazy look of love in his eyes.

  


"I was just thinking about us, and about Connie."

  


Adam bit his lip.

  


"I feel so bad that Connie felt that only solution to her problems was suicide. Did you see all those people there for her? I don't understand how she felt so alone. I just feel so lucky to know I have you," Guy thought aloud.

  


"You'll always have me," Adam whispered.

  


"I love you Adam."

  


"I love you Guy," he closed his eyes slowly, and reopened them.

  


Guy leaned in for a little kiss, and pulled away.

  


"How's your wrist?"

  


"It doesn't hurt. Surprisingly."

  


"Are you thinking about going back?"

  


"To where? I love it at Loyola. I love being with you."

  


"I could talk to Minnesota, could get them to come out and see us, see if they still want me to play for them, and to see if they want you. They've always wanted you Adam."

  


Adam parted his lips into a smile, "We'll check it out, over the summer. How about we get through finals first."

  


"Sounds like a plan," Guy kissed Adam's hand once again. 

  
  
  
  
  



	5. Sleep And Wake Up To Another Day

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Adam dropped his bag just inside the door. They had been back at campus for a week now, but Adam had come down with a cold of sorts. 

  


"Adam, you alright?" Guy looked up from the couch where he had been reading.

  


"Yea, I'm just gonna go lay down, I'm tired," Adam sailed right past Guy, without stopping for a kiss hello.

  


Guy sat back in his seat, and watched Adam walk past. His skin looked paler than usual, and his eyes had dark circles around him. He barely had the energy to pick his feet up properly. Guy even noticed that though they only lived on the 3rd floor of their building that Adam had taken to the elevator, he no longer took the stairs so effortlessly as he once did.

  


Guy put his book down, and followed Adam into their room, where Adam had collapsed on Guy's designated bed. It was closer to the door. 

  


"Adam, you want some soup or something?"

  


"No," he coughed. It wasn't a little cough, it was a deep, body shaking cough, and once he started, he continued for a few minutes.

  


"How'd your final go?" Guy asked, once Adam's coughing fit had subsided.

  


"It took me forever to finish."

  


Guy looked on in concern, "Adam, sit up for me," he asked, wanting to see what would happen.

  


Adam tried to push himself up into a sitting position. Guy could see him putting 110% into it, yet Adam had barely lifted himself up.

  


"Adam, how many more finals do you have?"

  


"One, on Thursday, at 11. It's," Adam struggled to remember, "Some class."

  


"Well, it's Monday. I'm not letting you out of this bed until then," Guy stated, "Unless it's taking you to the hospital. Adam, something's wrong with you."

  


"I'm fine, I'm just tired. I'm stressed out."

  


"You don't get stressed about finals."

  


"Guy, please," Adam buried his face in the pillow.

  


"I'm sorry," he apologized, moving to Adam's feet to take off his sneakers that in his fatigue he forgot.

  


Adam mumbled his thanks and took a deep breath, that was followed by another coughing fit.

  


Guy pulled the blanket up over Adam, tucking him in, and went back into the living room. He picked his cell phone up off of the table, quickly called his mom. 

  


"Mom, he goes into these coughing fits and won't stop for like ten minutes. He's so tired all of the time, I asked him to sit up, and he couldn't!" Guy was beyond worried at this point. He was downright scared.

  


"What about a fever? Go in there and place the back of your hand to his forehead," his mom instructed.

  


"Okay, give me a minute," he said, opening the door quietly. He frowned at the freezing cold of the air, the window was open and the air conditioner had been turned on since he'd left the room a few moments ago. He frowned upon looking at Adam, shivering in the cold, but sweating.

  


"Mom, the window's open, the air conditioner's on, he's shivering, I can see that his lips are almost blue, but he's sweating," Guy reached to feel his forehead, "He's burning up."

  


"Guy," his mom's voice held a sense of urgency, "Hang up with me and go get your RA, and call campus police, they'll get an ambulance. He needs to get to a doctor."

  


"Okay," Guy's voice was shaky. He hung up his cell phone, closed the window, turned off the air conditioning and quickly headed down the hall to his RA's room.

  
  
  


Within an hour Adam was being taken to the hospital, and Guy rode along in the ambulance. By the evening, Adam was admitted to the hospital and was resting peacefully. They brought his fever down, and gave him a cough depressant that would work to also break up the mucous. 

  


Guy was sitting in a chair next to Adam's bed, going over some of his notes. He had a final in the morning, his last one.

  


"Guy," Adam said, his head turned to look at him.

  


"Hey Buddy, you're awake," Guy put his book down and scooted closer to the bed.

  


Adam smiled.

  


"How are you feeling?"

  


"A little better, I'm still tired."

  


"The doctors said you'd feel tired for the first two days or so," Guy nodded, rubbing Adam's hand. Guy's thumbed the scar on Adam's wrist.

  


"I wanna go home," Adam said.

  


"We'll be back on campus in a few days."

  


"I want to go to Minnesota," he said, his eyes closed.

  


"It's almost time. Our parents are coming out tomorrow, with a big truck, and they're gonna take all our stuff back. And us too," Guy promised, "And you're parents talked to your teacher. You don't have to take your Theology final. You're grade's gonna be as is. So once you're out of here, we're going home."

  


Adam gave a small nod, and was fast asleep.

  


Guy smiled, picking up his book again.

  


When visiting hours were up, Guy finagled his way into being allowed to stay until 10, so when 10 o'clock came around, he left without a complaint. He left a note for Adam, letting him know that he went back for the night, had one last final to take, and that he'd be back in the evening, as there was still a lot of packing that needed to get done. 

  


When Guy returned the following evening, he not only brought his own parents, but Adam's parents too.

  


"Ooh, sweetheart," Adam's mom rushed to his side, pushing a wisp of hair off his forehead.

  


"How are you feeling son?"

  


Adam grinned, "Good. I feel a lot better than I felt in a long time."

  


Guy's mom wrapped an arm around his shoulder, "You did good, you got him here just in time. Any longer and he could've been seriously sick," she said softly, as Adam's parents fussed over him.

  


Guy smiled, "I was worried about him."

  


"I know sweetheart," his mom kissed his temple. 

  


Within a few days, Adam was released from the hospital, and the two families were heading back to Minnesota. In the truck, were Adam's dad, and Guy's dad, and in a car, following them, were both their moms, and Adam and Guy.

  
  
  
  



	6. Close Your Eyes

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


A light rain had settled over Minneapolis that afternoon, and when Adam awoke, he was nervous at the fact that Guy wasn't in the bed. As far as he knew, he and Guy both had nothing to do that day and were planning to spend the whole day together in bed, just as another day to get Adam some rest. Adam calmed down quickly, figuring that Guy just went to the bathroom, or went downstairs for something to eat. 

  


But when he hadn't returned twenty minutes later, Adam finally got out of bed, threw on some sweats and a sweatshirt, and headed downstairs.

  


"Good morning Mom," he said, entering the kitchen.

  


"Sweetheart, it's almost 2 in the afternoon," she smiled to herself, "You hungry? I'll fix you a sandwich."

  


"Nah, where's Dad? I thought he didn't work Saturdays."

  


"He doesn't. He went to go pick up your brother from the airport. Anthony's coming home for a few weeks."

  


"Awesome," Adam sat down at the table, "Have you seen Guy at all?"

  


"He mumbled something this morning, but went straight out the door. Is everything okay with you two? Did you fight?"

  


"No, we're fine. I just woke up this morning and he was gone."

  


"I'm sorry sweetie, I don't know where he went."

  


"I think I'll go for a jog, see if I can't find him."

  


"Adam Matthew Banks. Don't you dare, you wanna go out looking for him, fine, but you're going in a car. I'm not risking you coming down with pneumonia again, but I'm not going to stop you from looking for him. Just promise me you'll stay dry."

  


"Okay okay," Adam said, "Can I borrow your car?" 

  


"Gosh, I wish we kept your car," his mom smiled, "Of course. My keys are in my bag."

  


Adam said his thanks, ran upstairs and changed, and was quickly out the door, his mom's keys in hand.

  
  
  


He had two places that he thought Guy might be, and after checking the pond, Adam headed to the cemetery.

  


He parked the car in the parking lot, and headed to where they had been only three weeks earlier.

  


The grass hadn't grown in yet, but flowers littered the area. Connie was sorely missed. And sitting on the ground, in the mud, was Guy. 

  


He had one hand on the gravestone, and the other held his head.

  


"I don't get it, Cons. Why didn't you come to me? We've could've worked something out. This wasn't the only way out. Why did you feel that way it was? Jesus, I miss you. I never realized how much I missed you until now. And all I want right now is to hold you," he cried.

  


Adam didn't know how long Guy had been out here. But he let the rain pour down on both of them, not daring to disturb Guy. 

  


"Dammit Connie, I fucking love you," Guy went on.

  


Adam leaned against a tree, just watching. He didn't know what to do.

  


Guy leaned forward and let his forehead rest on the gravestone. He finally stood up and turned back around, ready to go back to Adam's.

  


"Adam," his breath caught in his throat, "How long have you been standing there?"

  


Adam just looked at him. He loved Guy, he did. But after listening to what Guy just said, he wasn't so sure that Guy loved him back.

  


"About 5 minutes."

  


"We should get you inside. You're gonna get sick."

  


"I don't care."

  


Guy took a few steps towards him, "Adam."

  


"What Guy?"

  


"I don't think you understood what I was saying."

  


Adam just stared. Was he really doubting Guy's love for him? 

  


"Guy, I just, maybe you need some time to properly grieve for her. You haven't had a chance, what with me getting sick." 

  


"I won't if we don't get you inside, it's cold."

  


Adam nodded, and turned around, heading back to the car. He got in and started it, waiting for Guy to climb in.

  


Adam pulled up at Guy's house and waited.

  


"Why are we here?"

"You need time Guy. I'm giving you time," Adam said, "Out." 

  


Guy stared unbelievably at Adam. What the fuck was going on?

  


"Out Guy. I mean it."

  


Guy shoved the door open, and hastily climbed out, slamming the door behind him. Adam, who'd never put the car in park, just kept his foot on the brake, sped away quickly, leaving Guy in the rain.

  
  
  



	7. Everybody Cries

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


When Adam returned home, he blew in like a gust of wind, slamming the door shut, and barging upstairs. His mom, who'd been talking to Anthony on the couch, and his dad who had been reading, looked at each other, eyebrows raised.

  


His mom started to rise from the couch, but Anthony put his hand on her arm to stop her, "I'll go."

  


Anthony felt bad for having not been there for Adam. The two were never close to begin with, but as Anthony got older, he realized he missed his little brother.

  


"Adam," he knocked. 

  


No response.

  


He tried the handle, and found it open.

  


"Can I come in?" Anthony asked, pushing the door open.

  


The lights were off in the bedroom, but the grey afternoon gave enough light to show Adam laying face down, on the bed.

  


"Adam, you can't stay in these wet clothes," Anthony said, noticing his clothes were soaked.

  


"I'm fine," Adam mumbled into his pillow.

  


Anthony sighed and went over to Adam's dresser, pulling out dry clothes.

  


"Please Adam, I don't want to see you get sick."

  


Adam shook his head.

  


"I don't know what happened that's making you like this, but you do know that you can come and talk to me, right? I'm your brother Adam, I'm here for you."

  


Adam nodded into his pillow, sitting up. He fumbled with the hem of the sweat pants Anthony had put beside him, "It's Guy."

  


Adam suddenly felt weird. He had never talked to his brother about his boyfriend. He actually didn't even know how Anthony felt on his being gay and all.

  


"Did you two fight or something?" Anthony's voice was calm and reassuring.

  


Adam looked up at his brother, "No. I found him, at Connie's grave, talking about how he missed her and loved her. And," Adam looked down again, "I don't know. I felt like he didn't love me anymore."

  


Anthony reached over and patted Adam's knee, "It can happen Adam. I'm sure though, that Guy still loves you. He's going through a rough time right now. Him and Connie were really close back when they were younger. Though they may not have been close in recent years, they were at one point, and he still feels like he lost her. He just needs time."

  


"I'm giving him time. I left him at his house."

  


"That was a little harsh."

  


"I can't look at him right now."

  


Anthony nodded, "I understand. When I caught Kelsey cheating on me, I couldn't look at her ... but after time we were able to work through it."

  


"Kelsey cheated on you? And you're still with her? When did this happen?" Adam was lost.

  


Anthony chuckled to himself, "Adam that was almost a year ago. And no, we never got back together, I meant work through it by us sitting down and talking about what happened, and me dumping her."

  


"Oh, well then, 'cause I was gonna say," Adam smiled.

  


"He'll come around, just give it time," Anthony patted his little brother's knee and stood up, "Now, can you change into some dry clothes please?"

  


Adam nodded, and stood up, grabbing the clothes and heading out the door. Anthony sat still on his brother's bed until he was out of sight.

  


That was the last any of Adam's family saw of him for three days. He had locked himself in his room, wouldn't answer the door, and wouldn't eat. 

  
  
  


"Adam," a banging came on his door.

  


Adam jumped up, quickly recognizing the voice as Guy's.

  


"Guy," Adam said, rushing to unlock his door and let Guy in.

  


"We need to talk," Guy said, looking down at his feet.

  


Adam moved away from the doorway, showing Guy he was welcome inside the room.

  


Guy shook his head and looked up at Adam. He looked like he hadn't slept in days. His hair was disheveled, and his eyes were surrounded by dark circles, that looked even darker compared to his pale skin.

  


"You're not getting sick again, are you?" Guy asked, suddenly forgetting why he had even showed up at Adam's. He still stood in the hallway however.

  


"I'm fine. I just haven't slept."

  


"Adam, you need your rest."

  


Adam was quickly becoming frustrated, "Listen Guy, I know you didn't come here to lecture me on sleeping, so can you get on with it?"

  


Guy gazed deep into Adam's blue eyes, biting his lip. Was he making the right decision?

  


"Adam, I," Guy started, "We, I, we can't be together anymore Adam. It doesn't feel right."

  


Adam just stared. That was all he could do. It didn't feel right? What the fuck? For two years it felt right, and suddenly he wakes up and it doesn't? Adam was suddenly filled with anger.

  


Anger towards Connie.

  


"It's because of her, isn't it," he whispered, afraid if he let his voice come out normal, it would end up him yelling.

  


"Adam."

  


"Don't lie Guy. You're not good at it. I can see it in your eyes. She's dead. You can't bring her back."

  


"I know that, I just," Guy's voice was shaking, "I've had a lot of time to think since you dropped me off at my house."

  


"And so this is my fault?"

  


"I'm just saying that you didn't seem to think that I needed you when I did, so you just dropping me off and then locking yourself in your room for days doesn't exactly help me deal."

  


"Guy, I was giving you space."

  


"By giving up all of yours?"

  


"If that's what I had to do, I'd do it. You know I'd do anything for you," Adam sounded hurt.

  


"I'm going away, to Los Angeles, with Russ and Julie," Guy started off down the hallway.

  


"Guy, don't go," Adam stepped into the hallway, the most he had stepped out of his room in three days.

  


Guy stopped and looked over his shoulder at Adam.

  


"Dammit Guy! I'm asking you not to go. Please, we can get through this, I just, don't just walk away. You're stronger than this."

  


"Goodbye Adam."

  


Adam just watched Guy walk down the stairs, and what may have been out of his life.

  
  
  
  


Adam barged downstairs, and into the kitchen, grabbing whatever he could to eat, and took the same anger out as he stormed back into his room.

  


"Adam," his dad knocked on the door.

  


"Go away Dad. I'm not talking, I just want to sleep."

  


Adam's dad nodded his head and retreated back to his own bedroom.

  


Adam sat on the edge of his bed, looking down at his bag. It was the last bag that needed to be unpacked from school. He reached into the side pocket, pulling out just what he wanted, his pain medication.

  


He wasn't planning on overdosing, he just knew that they would help him sleep, and right now, that was all he wanted. He popped two into his mouth, changed his clothes, and settled into his bed. A little while later he was out cold, dreaming of nothing.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



	8. Everybody Bleeds

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Guy?" Russ pounded on the bedroom door. 

  


He silently cursed his girlfriend for not coming up here to wake the kid up herself. His mock anger quickly turned into a smile, just at the thought of Julie however.

  


"GUY!" Russ yelled, finally just opening the door.

  


He was surprised to see the bed empty, and a light on in the bathroom. What was weird, was that the bathroom door was wide open. Russ prayed that Guy was just washing his face, and not using the toilet or showering.

  


"Guy?" he queried, stepping closer to the bathroom.

  


He could faintly smell something a bit metallic. 

  


"Ah shit," Russ mumbled, quickly screaming for his brother, for anyone to call 911.

  


There, on the cold bathroom floor, was Guy, his eyes glazed over, nothing but red smeared all over the pristine porcelain. Russ could easily see that not just one, but both wrists were slashed. Immediate reaction was to feel for a pulse, and he nearly cried when he felt it. It was faint but he felt it.

  


"Why do I have to call 911?" his brother came into the room, but upon seeing the mess in the bathroom, he quickly dialed it on the portable.

  


"Russ? What's wrong?" Russ could hear Julie inside the bedroom.

  


"Don't come near the bathroom Jules," he said, warning her.

  


"Why?" 

  


"Just don't," Russ admonished, "Go wait in another room," he moved around the bathroom, quickly finding pillow cases to wrap around Guy's wrist.

  


When he heard the high pitched shriek, he knew that Julie hadn't listened.

  


"Julie, you don't want to be here," Russ stepped out of the bathroom and pushed her away.

  


She couldn't tear her eyes away from Guy's limp body, laying alone, on the floor.

  


"Please," Russ whispered, placing his hands on her shoulders, pushing her back into the bedroom.

  


She backed up slowly, unable to take her eyes off of the lonely boy. As she stepped backwards, she tripped and fell. She burst into tears when she saw was she tripped over.

  


A picture of Guy and Adam at Christmas.

  
  
  


"Mr Tyler?" a doctor came out to the waiting room, where Russ and Julie were waiting.

  


"Is he gonna be okay?" Julie spoke quickly.

  


"He's going to recover just fine. We will have to keep him under observation for the next 72 hours, in the psych ward. It's standard procedure with all unsuccessful suicide patients," the doctor's voice was even.

  


Russ nodded, "Can we see him?"

  


"Yes, he's in curtain number 4," the doctor pointed down the hall, and Julie and Russ practically flew to the correct curtain.

  


"Guy!" Julie refrained from throwing her arms around him.

  


Guy managed a weak smile.

  


"Hey," he squeaked out.

  


"Dude man, we thought we lost you there for a minute," Russ said from the foot of the bed. 

  


Guy nodded. He was so tired.

  


Julie pulled up a chair next to him, and took his hand, "We haven't called your parents yet ... did you want us to?"

  


Guy shook his head no.

  


"Okay, we won't," Julie agreed.

  


"What about Adam?" Russ asked, "Do you want us to call him?"

  


Guy's eyes widened, and he vehemently shook his head no, and squeaked out a "no one please."

  


Julie patted his upper arm.

  


"We're worried about you Guy. We're always here for you, you know that," Julie spoke tenderly.

  


"They're transferring you to the psych ward, for 5 days observation," Russ sighed, "After that, you're more than welcome to come back to my place."

  


Guy smiled, "I'd like that."

  


"Excuse me? Visiting hours are over, he needs his rest," a nurse popped her head in the curtain.

  


Julie and Russ looked back at Guy, and began to stand.

  


"We'll be back first thing in the morning," Russ said, tapping Guy's leg.

  


Guy, however, wouldn't let go of Julie's hand, "I'm scared," he whispered.

  


"I know you are sweetheart," Julie said slowly, "I can't stay with you, but I'll be back, I promise."

  


She wanted to stay so badly, but she knew it would be better for him to have some time alone.

  


Guy watched his friends leave the room, and he closed his eyes, thinking about what had happened.

  


He just wanted to stop the pain. 

  


The pain of Connie's death. The pain of Adam leaving him when he needed him the most. There was so much, boiling beneath his skin, he needed to release it. He had started by cutting himself on his hip, and it had felt good. He felt a release, as if all those emotions that had been bottled up, were finally being purged. And then, as he closed his eyes, and leaned back against the wall of the shower, the blood trickling down his leg, he saw Adam in his mind.

  


And Adam was disappointed in Guy. 

  


Guy suddenly felt ashamed at what he had done. He remembered Adam's words right before he left for L.A., "_You're stronger than this._" Adam was right, Guy was stronger than this. At least had been.

  


And there he was, cutting himself into a statistic.

  


Now, Guy laid in a hospital bed, after having committed a most cowardly act. And he couldn't bring himself to tell the one person that mattered the most. He couldn't tell Adam, what would he think? He didn't want to face the disappointment that he knew would be written across Adam's face.

  


He was weak, and he was broken.

  


That night, Guy slept uneasily, nightmares of Connie and dreams of Adam mixed inside his head. He awoke at one point, and staring into the darkness, or as much darkness a hospital could provide, he wondered.

  


He wondered if this was what Connie felt like, before killing herself. 

  


He wondered if she too felt scared, weak, and worst of all, alone.

  
  
  
  


Guy finally fell asleep last night, a deep sleep at that. He slept through breakfast, and when he finally woke up, he was in a different room.

  


"They must of moved me," he said to himself quietly, sitting himself up.

  


"Hey hey sleeping beauty," Russ quipped, upon seeing the movement from the bed.

  


Guy forced a smile. He didn't want to deal with anyone.

  


"So," Julie plopped down on the bed next to him, acting as if nothing had happened. 

  


For a moment, that's how Guy wanted it, that nothing happened. But what Julie said next showed it was anything but.

  


"I called your mom last night, and after an hour of convincing her that it was an accident, and to not worry, I managed to keep your parents from flying out here. However, I agreed to get you to call them. They said if you don't call by tonight, they're flying out," Julie looked optimistic, "I tried."

  


"You didn't have to call them at all," Guy was perturbed. Why did she have to go and do that? Why couldn't she respect his wishes?

  


But when he looked at her, as she babbled on about something or other, he realized, she was just being a friend.

  


She looked back at him with expectant eyes.

  


"What?" Guy asked.

  


Julie looked at Russ, and he shrugged.

  


"Do you wanna talk about what happened?"

  


Guy sighed, it'd have to come out eventually, right? But hell, he was embarrassed of the truth. Would his friends believe him?

  


"No."

  


"How about you call your parents?" Julie offered.

  


"Thanks, but no thanks," Guy patted his blanket down, "I just want to be alone."

  


Russ looked slightly offended, while Julie just nodded.

  


She lifted herself off the bed, and gathered her things, which really just included her bag and sweater, "We're coming back tomorrow," she smiled, "Don't think you can get rid of us that easily."

  


"Whatever," Guy mumbled after them, fixing his gaze on the tree outside.

  
  
  
  


"Hey Guy," Dr. Willis popped in the room, "I brought someone who wants to talk to you," he said, gesturing to the man behind him, "Dr. James Gordon."

  


Guy looked up from the hem of his blanket, and gave Dr. Gordon a good look. He was dressed in khakis, and buttoned down shirt, with it's sleeves rolled up. He looked like an okay guy.

  


"Hello Guy, name's James," he said, pulling himself a chair.

  


"Hi," Guy said warily. Stupid therapists. He didn't need a therapist, he just needed to feel whole again.

  


Dr. Willis nodded, and ducked out of the room, letting the two be.

  


"So Guy, why don't you tell me about yourself?"

  


Guy rolled his eyes. Was he serious? Didn't he have everything that he wanted to know on his little pad of ... wait. Guy noticed this guy didn't have a paper, nor a pen. He was just here.

  


"Name's Guy. I'm from Minnesota, and I'm _gay_," Guy said spitefully, emphasizing the gay part.

  


"That's a start."

  


Guy huffed, "Hmm."

  


"Are you seeing anybody?"

  


"Not sure."

  


"What do you mean by that?"

  


"I was, for over three years now, but two weeks ago, he dropped me off at my house, told me we needed space, and left. So I'm not sure."

"Is that why you did this?"

  


"Because of Adam? No way. I could never hurt him like that."

"But he hurt you, didn't he?"

Guy shrugged, "Yea, but he was right."

"Is that why you're here, in Los Angeles?"

  


"I needed time. He was right about us needing space, except it was really me. Now, I just don't know how to go back to him."

  


"What did you need time from? Did you get into a fight?"

  


"My ex-girlfriend, I guess you could call it childhood romance, killed herself this past April."

  


James was silent.

  


"It did a number on me. We've been broken up for years now, but I never realized how much I missed her till she was gone, she was my best friend. In her note, she said it was because she loved me. Well, that fucked with my head, and I said some shit to Adam that I shouldn't have, and then he said I needed time to grieve, so he left me. He's waiting for me to come back, I know it."

"Do you love Adam?"

  


Guy took his turn to be silent. From day one he knew he loved Adam. It had always been Adam. 

Guy nodded slowly.

"Then what's the problem?"

  


"Every time I close my eyes, I see her, in pain, suffering. I feel like I betrayed her. But I was dealing. It was when I felt I was so close to losing Adam that I just wanted to die. Not literally, just, start over. Keep in touch with Connie, and keep Adam."

  


James nodded, his eyes fixed on Guy.

  


"I came out here, after telling Adam that it didn't feel right. God, I don't even know what I was caught up in, everything with him feels right, is right. But so, I came out here, and while holed up in my friend's house, I saw a special on cutting. And that night, I tried it, in the shower, on my hip," Guy was surprised he had opened up so easily.

  


"And it felt good. I felt better. And I honestly, was done with it right there. I was ready to go back to Adam. But then, I don't know, something happened inside of me. Two days later, I tried it again. I don't know what made me chose my wrists. Honestly, I was thinking about Adam the whole time. He's got a fucked up wrist, from hockey, and I don't know, maybe I wanted to feel closer to him, and that's why I chose it. But I cut too deep. And I cried. I couldn't stop the bleeding. I tried, I did try. It wasn't what I wanted. I just wanted to feel better. I just wanted Adam to hold me, and I couldn't have that!" Guy cried. 

  


The tears were flowing freely down his cheek, and he wiped at them stubbornly with his sleeve.

  


"All I could think of, as I tried to stop the bleeding, was if this was how Connie felt, weak, scared, and alone. God, I felt so alone. But I knew I wasn't. I knew I had Julie and Russ, and Adam. That I'd always have Adam. And all I want to do is go see him."

"Why can't you?"

  


"Because."

  


"Have you called your parents?"

  


"No. I don't want them to know. There's nothing for them to know. I didn't cut my wrists with the intention of suicide. That thought never crossed my mind. I just," he looked away, "I needed to find an outlet."

  


"Why can't you see Adam?"

  


"Because, he'll think I'm weak. And I'm never weak. And when I told him I was leaving, as he begged me to stay, he said I was stronger than this. And this," Guy shoved his wrists into James' face, "Is weak."

  


"If Adam loves you, he'll be there for you. He'll be upset that you didn't tell him."

  


Guy took a deep breath, "I think I want to wait until I see him. I mean, this," he waved his arms around the room, "All this is embarrassing. I'm not suicidal. I could never leave Adam like that. He needs me."

"Why does he need you?" James asked quietly.

"Because I love him. Because I make him feel safe," Guy whispered.

  


He'd never been so frank about his relationship with Adam to anybody, not even Julie or Russ.

  


James sat back in the chair. James had been in psychology for nearly 20 years now, and not once had he talked to a patient that had tried to commit suicide, and in the first discussion, days after the incident, did the patient outright say, "I did not attempt suicide. I needed Adam." And actually mean it. Guy, was doing everything that James had never seen before. Guy knew where he stood in the world. He knew he had people he could go and talk to. It was just a matter of getting through to them. This wasn't a cry for death. It was a cry of "I'm going to hurt myself just a little, so you will notice me." If Guy had any problem that needed help, it was that he needed relationship counseling, only for the fact, he can't find a way go back to his boyfriend, who loves him.

  


James was still trying to figure out why Guy couldn't go back to Adam, "Guy, can I be frank?"

"Sure."

"Has Adam ever abused you? Hit you or verbally abused?"

  


Guy was quick to answer, "God no. Adam and I, we played pee-wee hockey. We've known each other since we were ten. We had always been friends, and then, he told the Ducks, our team, he was gay. And it was all cool. He was with another team member, Charlie, and they ended up having a rough breakup, because Charlie didn't think he was gay. At this time, Adam had a bad wrist injury, but wanted to learn lefty. That's when me and Adam started. I always had a thing for Adam. But he took his breakup with Charlie pretty hard, I helped him through it. And a few weeks ago, he had pneumonia, and I was there for him. He'd never lay a finger on me. Hell, he can't even kill a fly, he says it's too cruel."

  


"So then," James spoke thoughtfully, "If you've always been there for him, why do you think he won't return the favor and be there for you?"

  


"He will. That's the thing."

  


James raised an eyebrow.

  


Guy sighed, "Okay, in a, let's call it, normal, relationship, the male and the female are together. The males protect the females, that's how it goes. It hurts their egos when the females protect the males. It's just, I don't know, a guy thing. Well, in my normal relationship, I protect Adam. It's just always ended up that way. I know he's fully capable of protecting me. But..." Guy trailed off.

  


James drummed his fingers once on the arm of the chair.

  


"He's still sick. He needs to get better, and get healthy."

  


"I see ..." James shook his head. This kid was incredible. Here he was, scared and appearing lonely, and all he wanted was his boyfriend at his side. But he was still putting his boyfriend's health over his.

  


"Guy," James started, "You need to get over your pride, and if you need him to feel better, go for it. Sick or not, he's still going to be able to love you. Being sick doesn't affect that."

  


Guy shrugged his shoulders.

  


"Do I have to stay?" he asked.

  


James shook his head, "You don't belong here. And upon this little conversation here, I don't think you are suicidal at all," James stood. He pulled out his wallet, and handed Guy a card.

  


"If you ever want to talk though, give me a call. You're a great kid," James smiled.

  


"So, I can go back to Russ'?"

  


"If that's where you want to go. Honestly, in my professional opinion, you need to go to Adam."

  


"Thanks James," Guy smiled, flipping the card between his fingers.

  


"I'll check up on you tomorrow before they discharge you," James headed for the door, "Oh, and Guy?"

"Yea?"

"Call your parents. They deserve to know."

  


"I will," Guy said. For the first time in about two weeks, Guy felt good. He knew where he stood, or in this case, laid. He now just needed the balls to do something about it.

He closed his eyes, pulling the sheets up to his chin.

  


However, he flashed his eyes open so quick. All he could see was Connie, laying in the Tyler's bathroom, where he had been, laying in a pool of blood.

Maybe he wasn't alright after all.

  
  
  
  
  



	9. You Will Find Your Way Home

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Adam, are you coming? To the barbeque?" Anthony knocked on the door. He was a little upset that he came home to spend time with his brother, and for the past two weeks, all he did was sleep.

  


"Yea," Adam opened his door, freshly showered, shaven, and in clean clothes. Khaki pants and a white button down shirt to be exact, with sandals adorning his feet.

  


Anthony wasn't expecting for Adam to actually open the door, and was pleasantly surprised. 

  


Apparently, Adam caught on to this.

  


"It's the Goldberg's, I gotta go. Besides, Greg asked me personally to make an appearance. I'm not gonna let them down," Adam forced a smile, and Anthony felt bad.

  


He could see his brother did not want to have to go and spend time with his friends, that so painfully reminded him of Guy. And Charlie might even be there.

  


"You can stick with me," Anthony smiled, wrapping an arm around his brother, pulling him out of the room.

  


"Adam!" his mom was surprised to see him up and about, in actual clothes.

  


"Hey," Adam's dad stood up, grinning, "You ready to go?"

  


"Yea Dad," Adam smiled grabbing his jacket from the hall closet. It may have been May, but in Minnesota, it was still a little on the cold side.

  


Adam's mom hung back, and wrapped an arm around her son.

  


"You look good sweetheart, pale, but healthy. You need to spend some time in the sun. Today's a good day for that," she said, fussing over her youngest son.

  
  
  
  


Philip Banks parked the car behind what looked to be the Averman's. Adam and Anthony climbed out of the back, Anthony holding the door for his mom. 

  


It was the annual Goldberg Memorial Day Block Party Barbeque. Adam hadn't attended the year before, as he and Guy had spent the summer in Canada with Guy's family.

  


He hadn't seen his friends since the day after Connie's funeral, and then, he was with Guy. Oh gosh, he realized he was going to have to answer questions about Guy. And he didn't want to.

  


"Banks!!" Goldberg yelled from across the lawn, as the family walked onto the premises set aside for the barbeque.

  


Adam looked down, and mumbled to this brother, "I don't want to do this."

  


"Then don't. Just sit by me. We'll chat," he said.

  


Adam nodded at his brother's comment, and waved at Goldberg, but did not go near.

  
  
  
  


They had just sat back down with their food, when Adam felt warm breath on his neck, and heard his name being whispered in his ear.

  


He turned around quickly, and almost smacked his head into Charlie's face.

  


"Wanna go for a walk?" Charlie asked quickly, not wasting any time.

  


Adam looked over to Anthony, and back at Charlie, as if Anthony would have an answer.

  


"Charlie," Adam sighed.

  


"You look like you need a friend," Charlie said.

  


"Yea, well, so do you," Adam shot back, smiling for the first time in weeks.

  


He stood slowly. In all the time he had to himself, he'd come to the conclusion that it was about time him and Charlie at least made up. As for forgiving him completely, no. And getting back together? Adam wasn't dumb.

  


"Pond?" Adam asked.

  


"Yea," Charlie resisted grabbing Adam's hand. They weren't a couple. They hadn't been in years.

  


The walk to the pond was quiet, but when they reached it, both smiled. On the pond, was a flock of ducks, swimming together.

  


Charlie plopped down on a bench, and stretched out in the warm May sun.

  


Adam sat down on the other end, his hands shoved into his pockets.

  


"Adam?"

  


"Yea?"

  


"What happened to us?"

  


Adam didn't say anything.

  


Charlie turned to look at him.

  


Adam looked down and looked back up again, "We were young. We didn't know what we were doing. We were just messing around."

  


"That's not what you said before."

  


"I know it's not what I said then, but it's what I'm saying now."

  


"Oh," Charlie kicked the dirt around, and patted his leg.

  


Why were things so awkward?

  


"Adam?"

  


"Yea?"

  


"What happened to you always forgiving me? You said you'd always forgive me, and you didn't."

  


"I accepted your apology," Adam took his time answering that question.

  


"Yea, last month," Charlie was quick to speak. Always was.

  


"So, I stayed true to my word, I forgave you. I never said that I would do it right away."

  


Charlie raised his eyebrows and looked down again. This wasn't going as planned. Heck, who was he kidding, of course it wasn't going as planned. Charlie planned on throwing his arms around Adam, kissing his face repeatedly, and confessing his undying love and devotion. 

  


That wasn't exactly happening.

  


"Are we even?" Charlie asked, breaking the silence.

  


"I don't think we could ever be even Char - but if you mean are we friends again," Adam looked over at Charlie, a small smile playing on his lips. He had to admit, it felt good to smile again.

  


Charlie's eyes held hope.

  


"Yea, we're friends," Adam stuck out a hand to shake on it.

  


They both grinned and settled back into their seats.

  


Charlie, however, tried to test his luck.

  


"How are you and Guy do-"

  


"There is no me and Guy," Adam started to answer before Charlie even finished his question. 

  


"What happened?" Charlie feigned interest, but was secretly glad that Adam was now single.

  


"Don't even go there."

  


"Did it have to do with Connie?"

  


"Charlie," Adam warned.

  


"I want to know," Charlie went on.

  


"You don't deserve to know what happened between us," Adam stood, with every intention of walking away. He didn't come to be berated by someone he was barely friends with about something personal to him.

  


"Adam, don't go," Charlie put a hand on his arm.

  


"Are you gonna leave me alone about Guy? Because I really don't want to talk about it."

  


Charlie couldn't risk losing Adam again, "Deal," and frankly, he didn't know why he pushed the subject a few minutes before.

  


Adam sat back down, and decided to bring up a subject of conversation. Apparently letting Charlie pick, wasn't a great idea.

  


Within a half hour, they were ready to head back to Goldberg's, but before they started walking, Charlie looked at Adam, "Hey, if you ever need to talk, about anything, you know that you can come to me, right?"

  


"Yea," Adam smiled, "I do. Thanks."

  
  
  
  


"Guy, you've been lying in that bed for what, 4 weeks now. People don't visit L.A. to sit in their room," Russ said, pulling the sheets off of his buddy.

  


"It's not healthy," Julie added. 

  


It was their little morning ritual. Julie and Russ would come in and wake up Guy, and invite him to join along in their plans. Every morning, Guy said no. He hadn't showered, or eaten properly. 

  


"Russ," Julie pulled her boyfriend back outside into the hallway, "Why don't you take today to spend some time with your family. I think I'm gonna try and talk to Guy today, give him some company. He looks like he needs a friend."

  


"Whatever you say cat woman," Russ smiled, "I think I'll just chill with my brother. I haven't had a chance to really sit down with him in a while."

  


"Thanks Russ," Julie leaned in for a kiss, and let herself back into Guy's designated room at the Tyler's.

  


"Guy," Julie sat on the bed.

  


He was awake, and rolled over, opening his eyes, in a "fuck you I want to sleep" sort of way.

  


"You're not getting rid of me today. I'm hanging out with you, because that's what friends do."

  


"Friends also help friends get over their petty problems," Guy mumbled.

  


"What's bothering you?"

  


"If I'm awake, and I close my eyes, all I see is Connie. Connie at pee-wees, 

Connie at the Goodwill Games, Connie at Eden, Connie when we broke up, Connie at the hockey games. And I can even see what Connie looked like right before she died, as if I was there and had witnessed it for myself. But when I go to sleep, I dream of Adam. I dream of what it's gonna be like in ten years, where we're going to be living, shit like that. But even in my dreams, Connie always there. Whether it be as a neighbor or something, she always makes an appearance. I can't take it anymore."

  


"You need to talk to Adam. You need to be with him right now. You here and him 2000 miles away isn't helping you at all."

  


"I can't help but notice that in short time I witnessed you and Adam together, you were glowing. You were truly happy, I could see it in your eyes. You never had that with Connie. You two weren't connected like you and Adam are," Julie said, as she picked up some magazine from the floor. God, the room was a disgrace.

  


Guy sat up, leaning against the pillows.

  


"Hell, the two of you even grieve the same way, you haven't been out of bed in weeks. Neither has he, so I've heard from Averman."

  


Guy remained quiet.

  


"I hate seeing you like this, because I know you're not happy, and that you won't be happy until you are back with Adam."

  


"What about Connie?"

  


"She was a good friend of yours. Honestly, maybe you're subconsciously feeling guilty for not having kept in touch. I don't know. But just because she put your name in that note, doesn't mean it's your fault," Julie reached over and touched Guy's knee, and he looked up at her.

  


"She was on anti-depressants, back before she even graduated high school. She was fucked up. She was physically unwell, and she felt alone. Not because she didn't have you, but because after you, she felt like there was nothing else. She accepted the fact that you two had gone your separate ways, and she not once put any blame on you. You know, I saw her, 6 months before what happened. I spent a week with her at college. All we did was talk. She had so much to say. We talked about some of the dates she'd gone on, and how she always felt like she was screwing them up. How she felt so alone, and that it was because she kept pushing people away," Julie closed her eyes. 

  


Not only was she trying to remember, but what she was remembering, hurt. It was the second to last time she saw Connie alive. And she was talking about how alone and scared she felt, and Julie didn't know what to do, just patted her back, and said that it would be alright, and continued about her own engagement news. She didn't realize then that Connie was reaching out for her help, and Julie was, in a sense, turning her back on her. 

  


"She didn't mention you, she never mentioned you. Even when I saw her at Christmas for lunch, she didn't mention you. I kept expecting her to bring up your name though. She never did. Her mom, gave me her journals. I've read through them. You're still not mentioned. Guy, she had internal demons she couldn't fight. She described it to me as, that she felt like she was trying to swim, but something kept pulling her down underneath the water, that she would frantically try to scramble her way to the surface to breathe. If she looked down, she said that all she saw was black, but that if she looked up, she saw a hand, reaching for her, and she kept reaching for it, but her reach always fell just short of it," Julie's eyes cried tears that she didn't even know were there. She wiped at her face anyway, not wanting to let Guy see her cry. 

  


She took a deep breath, and started again, "I haven't been able to piece together why she wrote your name. I can't find a logical reason other than she didn't want herself to look like an insane person. She didn't want to others know what she had confided in me. That she wanted it kept secret. And she hid it, by using your name. Her journal explains how it wasn't your fault. That it only made sense to use your name. That note was fake, but only in it's explanations. Basically, what I'm trying to tell you is that it's not your fault, and you need to stop thinking that it is. It never was. She lost her internal battle, she broke up with you because of it, and it ultimately brought her down. She believed, at first, that you could save her, that you would be the one. But she never, ever, thought that if she lost this fight, that it would be because of you. She tried to fight it because she wanted you back, but not necessarily you, the thought of you. Who she was when she was with you, because that's the last time she remembered being happy."

  


Guy was slowly realizing how much he never knew about his ex-girlfriend.

  


"She knew you were gay or bi-sexual, or whatever. She knew you had feelings for Adam. She always knew, she never questioned it. She never got angry at you for it. She just took it for what it was, and moved on."

  


Guy looked up, his eyes unreadable.

  


"You Guy," Julie reached for his hands, "You're better than this," she turned them palm up, exposing the band-aids on his wrist, "Don't let Connie's fate fall on you, because it's not yours. Don't make it," she dropped his hands quickly, letting them fall in her lap. 

  


It had only been two weeks since Russ had come upon Guy in the bathroom, passed out. He asked his parents not to come to L.A., and it took all they had for them not to fly out on the next plane, but they respected their son's wishes. Adam never found out, Guy swore Julie and Russ to secrecy. Julie hated it, hated the fact that she had just lost Connie, and was so close to almost losing Guy. 

  


And she hated keeping this from Adam the most.

  


Guy suddenly became animated, rushing around the room, grabbing his clothes from the past 4 weeks, and throwing it into his bags.

  


Julie smiled to herself, and got up to leave Guy to himself.

  


"Hey," Guy said, catching Julie out of the corner of his eye, trying to sneak out quietly.

  


"Yea?" 

  


Guy placed his lips on her cheek, and smiled as he pulled away, "Thanks."

  
  
  
  
  
  



	10. When Your World Breaks Down

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


The next two weeks, Adam's mom was glad to see him up and about, in and out of the house. He started to look healthy again. Color had returned to his skin, he even was beginning to put on some weight. He wasn't looking so bony anymore.

  


"Hey Mom, dinner?" Adam came through the back door into the kitchen, and headed straight for the garage door, to drop off his hockey gear. Him and Charlie had been spending whatever time they spent together, at the rink, practicing. After telling his dad about how he played a game with no pain, his dad made some phone calls, and the scouts were coming to check him out in about two weeks.

  


"Did you practice with Charlie at all today?" his mom asked, ignoring his question.

  


"Yea, but he left early, so I hung out at the rink for an extra few hours. Just did laps and basic drills," Adam searched the refrigerator for a drink, he settled on water, "Why?" he dumped the contents into his mouth, and swallowed it greedily.

  


"Because he's upstairs in your room."

  


"Why?"

  


"I don't know. He came over about an hour ago, asked if you were here, and when I said you weren't, he said he'd wait in your room."

  


"Oh," Adam headed for the stairs.

  


"Adam," his mom's voice pulled him back.

  


"Yea?"

  


"Sweetheart," she walked over to him and straightened his shirt, and patted down his sweaty hair. 

  


He smiled bashfully.

  


"Don't let yourself get hurt again," she said softly, kissing his forehead.

  


"Thanks Mom," he grinned, and leaped up the stairs.

  


"Hey!" Adam said his hello to his friend, sitting on his bed.

  


"Adam, I can't do this."

  


"Do what?" Adam was at his dresser, searching for clothes. He was going to hang out with Jesse and Terry and he still needed to shower.

  


"Be friends with you."

  


Adam looked at Charlie, and noticed that his eyes were red. He'd been crying. He leaned against his dresser, letting him finish.

  


"I just, it's too hard. It's too hard for me to be around you when I all I want is to wrap my arms around you, and have things be like they used to."

  


"We're not 16 anymore," Adam whispered.

  


"I know. And I know you're with Guy and all, or at least on a hiatus, or something."

  


Adam moved to sit on the bed, "I don't know how I feel about Guy right now. I mean, I know how I feel, but I don't know how he feels, and that's messing me up. He said it doesn't feel right. I just want one night with him and see what doesn't feel right," he said quietly.

  


Charlie, sitting Indian style a mere foot from him, nodded.

  


"Have you talked to him since he left?"

  


"No," Adam's eyes began to tear.

  


Charlie pulled Adam into a hug. It had been so long since he held Adam, and he mentally kicked himself for ever letting him go. Gosh, he was crazy then. What had he been thinking? 

  


Adam leaned into the hug, wrapping his arms around Charlie. It wasn't so much that it was Charlie, just that it was comfort. Adam hadn't felt comfort like this since Guy, and that was almost a month and a half ago. It didn't feel anything close to what Guy's hugs felt like, but it was all he was getting.

  


"It's alright," Charlie patted Adam's hair, kissing the top of his head.

  


Adam looked up at Charlie, and pressed his lips to his. He just wanted to feel loved.

  


He drew back, however, just as abruptly as he had leaned in. It didn't feel right. It was all wrong, he didn't feel loved. But Charlie pulled him close, melting their lips together, once last time.

  


Adam pulled away more forcefully when he heard a gasp come from the open door. Guy stood, hurt written across his face.

  


His luggage was at his feet.

Guy shook his head and started off down the hall.

  


Adam jumped off the bed just as quickly and chased after him, spitting out a "Fuck you Charlie."

  


Adam caught up with Guy. His training had gotten his speed back, and before he knew it, he nearly tackled Guy on his front lawn.

  


"Guy," Adam said, begging him to stop, and look at him.

  


"I just wanted to say I was sorry," Guy started, speaking quickly to keep his tears at bay, "When I was gone, I realized that I needed you. I couldn't focus without you. I came back early. Maybe not as early as I should've, but I got back as soon as I could."

  


"I need you just as much Guy."

  


Guy almost laughed in his face, "Sure looked like you needed Charlie right then."

  


"It's not what you think. Charlie and I sort of made up, at Goldberg's Memorial Day Block Party. He's been helping me with hockey," Adam said, his voice breaking, "I kissed him because I missed you. I know that sounds horrible, but I missed the comfort of you. I missed being held in someone's arms. And I don't know what, I felt like, if I kissed him, it would be like kissing you, that I'd get the same feeling. But I was so wrong, it was horrible, and I pulled away as quickly as I could. But he pulled me back, he kissed me, and that's when I saw you."

  


"He wants you back."

  


"But I want you. He can't have me, he can't have my heart, when I don't have it to give."

  


"I'm messed up Adam. I'm fucked up, I can't close my eyes without seeing Connie, but then when I sleep, all I dream about is you."

  


Adam stepped forward, and put his arm on Guy's arm, testing to see if he would pull away. Adam tingled in his fingertips, and Guy shivered in the warm June air. Both had forgotten each other's touch.

  


"Connie is your past Guy - let me be your future," Adam whispered, closing the gap between them, and enveloping him into his arms.

  


Guy nuzzled his head into Adam's shoulder, breathing him in. He had forgotten what it was like to be so close to him. Really though, it had only been a few weeks. Who forgets that much in such a short time?

  


Adam held onto him tight, he wasn't about to risk losing Guy again.

  


"Adam!! PHONE!!!" his mom yelled from inside the house.

  


He rolled his eyes, and pulled back, his hands sliding down Guy's shoulder, and resting on his wrists. 

  


"Let's go insi-" he started, but quickly stopped himself.

  


His fingertips were not feeling the bone of Guy's wrists underneath the sleeves of the long sleeved shirt, but padding of some sort.

  


His fingers quickly pushed up the sleeves on both arms, and his breath caught in his throat.

  


Two white bandages circled Guy's wrists, looking almost like the popular wrist cuffs. But the gauze, with little red spots, was far from a fashion statement.

  


Adam stared Guy's wrists.

  


Guy stared at his own wrists as well. He flinched when Adam ran his forefinger over one of the bandages.

  


Adam looked up at Guy's forehead, "Guy?" his voice was full of pain and sorrow.

  


How could he do something like this?

  


Guy finally looked up.

  


"I'm sorry," he whispered, "I don't know what happened."

  


"This doesn't just happen," Adam was hurt, "Why didn't you call me? Tell me?"

  


"I didn't want you to find out."

  


"Why?"

  


"I'm sorry! I couldn't take it," Guy's knees gave out, and he started falling towards the ground. 

  


Adam reacted quickly, not letting Guy go.

  


"The voices, the faces," Guy cried, "Her voice, her face, it was everywhere."

  


Adam stayed silent, but held onto him.

  


"It made it not hurt," Guy was reduced to nothing but a whisper.

  


Adam nodded pretending to know what Guy meant, and slowly steered Guy toward the house.

  


"No, no," Guy grumbled, digging his heels into the ground.

  


"Please Guy," he begged.

  


Guy shook his head, very much like a five year old who didn't want to pick up his toys.

  


"Why not?"

  


"Charlie."

  


"What about him? He's leaving," Adam promised.

  


"No."

  


Adam couldn't take this, and scooped Guy up into his arms. He had definitely lost weight, and Adam was concerned with how easily he could pick him up.

  


"Adam? Dear?" his mom asked, standing in the doorway to the foyer.

  


He shook his head, and continued upstairs. 

  


He knew Charlie was still in his room, and so he went for the nearest guest room. 

  


He gently laid him down, and pulled the comforter from underneath, tucking him in.

  


He sat on the edge of the bed, sweeping his palm across Guy's forehead.

  


Guy captured Adam's moving hand, and held it to his chest, "Don't leave me," he was scared.

  


"I'm not going anywhere," he promised, curling up next to him.

  
  
  
  
  
  



	11. And The Voices Tell You Turn Around

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


His arms stretched high above his head. His eyes shot open as his bottom hit the floor with a loud thump. He feared he had awoken Guy, but was relieved to find him still sleeping. He took a moment to orient himself and after locating a clock, picked himself up off the ground, and headed for the door.

  


"Hey son," his dad greeted, as Adam stumbled into the kitchen.

  


"Sweetie, Jesse called, I let him know that you weren't going out tonight, and that Guy had come back," his mom spoke from the kitchen table.

  


"Thanks Mom," Adam sat at the table, dropping his head to his rest on his folded arms, "Did Charlie leave?"

  


"Yea, right after you went upstairs. He looked upset," his dad offered.

  


"I don't care if he was upset or not, just as long as he's gone," Adam lifted his head, spoke his piece, and then promptly laid it back down.

  


"Are you hungry? I could whip you up something for dinner," his mom tried to change the subject.

  


"No thanks Mom, I'm just a bit tired."

  


His mom shrugged, and put her book down. His father did the same.

  


"Adam?"

  


He mumbled a response.

  


"Why did you carry Guy in here? Can I ask what happened?" his father was soft and gentle.

  


Adam looked up into the face of his mother and father, and took a deep breath. He wasn't sure if this was something Guy wanted to share with the others, seeing as he obviously hadn't even shared it with Adam.

  


"He wasn't feeling well, that's all," Adam lied.

  


His mother raised an eyebrow, and his father picked up the paper again.

  


Adam didn't care if they believed him or not. He rose slowly from the table and shuffled to the fridge, grabbing a bottle of water. He drank it quickly and tossed the bottle into the garbage on his way out of the kitchen.

  


He stood in the doorway of the guest room, the light spilling in from the hallway behind him.

  


Guy was sleeping like a baby, his breathing even and calm, on his stomach, one arm tucked beneath him, and the other resting above his head. Even from the doorway, Adam could see his lips were parted in a slight smile.

  


He didn't know how long he'd been standing there, or how long Guy had been watching him.

  


"Adam?" Guy called. His voice was shy and timid, and Adam couldn't remember a time where Guy had ever sounded like that.

  


He stepped into the room, and sat on the edge of the bed. Suddenly, he was scared to touch him.

  


"You don't," Guy started softly, "Think less of me, or anything, do you?"

  


Adam looked down at him, as he stared up with a set of hazel eyes that shone bright, even in the darkness.

  


The stillness of the room was deafening, and the black of the night felt like it was crushing him.

  


"No Guy, I don't," Adam whispered.

  


"I'm sorry that I didn't tell you."

  


"Stop apologizing."

  


"I knew I couldn't face you. That you would think I was weak. That I couldn't handle it."

  


"Shush," Adam palmed Guy's cheek.

  


"I wanted to show you I was okay. I was planning to come back from L.A. a different, a stronger person," Guy continued, unfazed.

  


Adam didn't know what else to do, so he just listened.

  


"I needed to stop the pain, I needed to stop feeling so closed in. I missed Connie, and I wanted to be with her."

  


Adam closed his eyes in pain.

  


"I felt like you didn't want me anymore. That I had fucked everything up, and that it was over between us, and it killed me."

  


Adam fought to keep the tears from sliding out beneath his eyelids.

  


"I love you Adam, and I'm so thankful Russ found me. Because I need you. I've always needed you," Guy's voice was shaky.

  


And suddenly, Adam wanted to see. He wanted to see these cuts, that had not only cut into Guy's soul, but his own as well.

  


He reached for the bedside light, and clicked it on low. Guy watched as Adam slowly took his wrist and pushed aside the bandage.

  


Guy turned away.

  


He had yet to see the wounds himself.

  


Adam let out a painful weep. The wrist was red, and dried blood was caked onto the skin. It looked as if Guy had been scratching at his wrists. He could see the stitches and he brushed the pad of his ring finger over them delicately. Adam placed that hand down slowly, and reached for the other one, doing the same. The wound on his right wrist, wasn't as straight and pointed as the one on his left. This one was ragged and crooked, Guy obviously not a lefty. 

  


Adam dropped the hand quickly, noticing fresh blood seeping from stitched wound.

  


"Shit," he cursed to himself, rushing to the bathroom. He ran a washcloth under luke warm water, wrung it out quickly, and returned to press it against Guy's wrist.

  


Guy looked up at Adam, and smiled.

  


Adam was his angel, his savior, his everything.

  


"Hold this here," he said softly to Guy, and he obliged, moving his good hand to hold the damp cloth to his bad one.

  


"Hold it above your heart," Adam instructed, as he stood, leaving the room once again. 

  


He returned moments later with a first aid kit, and wordlessly, wrapped Guy's wrists up again.

  


"I'm-" Guy started.

  


"Sorry," Adam finished, "I know. It's okay. You don't need to apologize anymore," he taped up the second bandage.

  


Guy looked down, and mumbled a "thank you."

  


Adam stopped putting the stuff away, and grazed Guy's cheek with his fingers, "Anytime baby."

  


Guy gave a half-hearted smile, and looked at Adam's handiwork. He was good at wrapping up wrists, and in the back of his mind, he told himself it was because he had a lot of practice on himself. Adam had spent most of his high school years wrapping up his right wrist in ace bandages and sports tape.

  


"You haven't talked to your parents yet, have you," Adam stated, fully aware of the truth.

  


Guy shook his head.

  


"Do you want me to call them and tell them you're here?"

  


"Not yet. I want to spend time with you, alone."

  


Adam bit his lip and nodded. Guy's parents needed to know he was back in Minnesota, so Adam made a mental note to call them in the morning.

  


Guy moved over, and motioned for Adam to come in. 

  


He clambered into the bed and Guy latched onto him quickly.

  


"Why?" Adam whispered, stroking Guy's hair.

  


"It wasn't suicide," Guy sat up, searching Adam's eyes. Only, he didn't know what he was looking for.

  


Adam's eyes clouded with uncertainty. 

  


Guy saw it.

  


"It wasn't! Adam, it wasn't," his eyes began to well up.

  


Adam looked away. He couldn't believe him when he said it wasn't attempted suicide. Who slashes their wrists like that without wanting to die?

  


"Please, you've gotta believe me," Guy stretched his arm, his fingers grazing Adam's warm cheek, "I swear. I don't want to leave you. I could never. I need you. I need you to believe me."

  


Adam turned, his face now cupped by Guy's palm. Never, in three years, did Guy, in a moment of weakness, admit that he needed Adam. Guy was constantly reminding Adam that he loved him and that he would do anything, but for him to break down and admit that maybe he needed Adam just as much as Adam needed him, it was all new.

  


"I just wanted to forget. I was sick of seeing Connie every time I closed my eyes. I was sick of hearing her voice whenever I was sitting in quiet. It helped, it did. But now that I'm here with you. I haven't seen her," Guy's voice was quick and nervous, "I haven't!!"

  


Adam vaguely wondered who he was trying to convince. He wanted to believe him, he did.

  


"Honestly Adam, I'll give you the number of the psychologist that evaluated me in the hospital. I talked about you, not her. Adam, please, don't shut me out," Guy's tears were steadily streaming down his cheek, "Don't do this to me again, I can't take it."

  


Adam's eyes changed from the uncertainty to heartbreak. He wiped at Guy's tears with his thumb, and attempted to change the subject.

  


"You know, when you cry," Adam chuckled through his own tears, "Your eyes crinkle, and your cheeks flush," he wiped more away, "And you look incredibly hot."

  


Guy smiled, "Don't change the subject. Adam, I need your acceptance, I need to know that you're okay with what happened." There was a time where Guy gave into the distractions that Adam provided. Very few times, did Guy put his foot down, and demand he stop changing the subject.

  


Adam let his fingers lightly play over Guy's wrapped wrists.

  


"I need time."

  


Guy's face immediately lost all its color, turning an unhealthy shade of clear.

  


"NO! I don't mean it like that," Adam rushed to explain himself, "I just need time to accept it. But this time, we're gonna spend it together. Because I need you too," Adam's voice had dropped to a whisper.

  


Guy dropped his head and let his forehead rest on Adam's lips, as the color slowly returned to his face.

  


He puckered up to leave a light kiss on the pale skin, and he encircled Guy in his arms. 

  


"I love you Adam."

  


"I love you too Guy. I love you too."

  
  
  
  
  



	12. When Your Dreams Give Out

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


"Hello, is your mom there?" Adam looked around nervously in the dark room, waiting, "Hi, Mrs. Germaine?"

  


"Is that you Adam?" the voice over the phone was faded.

  


"Yea, Guy's back."

  


"Oh thank God," she breathed, "Is he okay?"

  


"He's fine. More than fine. He was right when he told you there was no reason to worry."

  


"Is he with you?"

  


"Yea."

  


"Can I speak with him?"

  


"He's sleeping."

  


"Oh," she was hurt.

  


"I'm gonna try to get him out of the house. I think it's best if he stays here, but I will, and I promise that I will, try to get him over there. Are you going to be home for the rest of the day?"

  


"We will, we'll all be here, I'll make sure of it."

  


"I'll try to get him over there for dinner."

  


"Please Adam, do try."

  


"I will Mrs. Germaine, I promise."

  


"Thank you."

  


"No problem," Adam said, his lips parting from their straight line. He closed his cell phone, ending the call, and placed it on the dresser.

  


He sat carefully on the end of the bed, and just watched as Guy slept peacefully. His long sleeved shirt covered his bandages, and you couldn't tell anything was amiss.

"How long have you been sitting there?" Guy murmured, opening his eyes, crushing them closed, and rolling over.

  


"You don't wanna know," Adam said playfully.

  


"Come here and go back to sleep."

  


"No Guy, come on, you need to wake up. You can't sleep forever," Adam stood and walked to the side of the bed.

  


Guy opened one eye and glared at Adam with it, "No."

  


"You need a shower. You stink. Come on, we'll go play hockey or something. Or we can catch a movie."

  


"Can't we just stay here? And just hang out? Watch T.V., like old times?"

  


Adam looked down at him, "Guy, I promised your parents we'd meet them for dinner."

  


Guy visibly paled.

  


"I - I," he couldn't find the words, "I'm, I don't think I'm ready to face them."

  


Adam rested his body on the edge of the bed, "You have to face them someday, they're your parents."

  


"They think..."

  


"It doesn't matter what they think," Adam rubbed at Guy's arm lovingly, "You're gonna tell them it was an accident. If you want, I'll tell them."

  


"Will you?"

  


"If that's what you want," he bent down and his lips glided over Guy's forehead.

  
  
  
  


Guy shifted his weight from foot to foot as he waited for Adam to get out of the car.

  


"What are you so nervous about?" Adam asked, as he pulled Guy's luggage from the trunk. He, by no means, was going to leave Guy at his parents tonight, but they had already gone through what he would keep at Adam's, and now they were returning the rest of Guy's clothes back to his bedroom.

  


"I don't know," Guy said, moving to pick up one of his bags.

  


Adam shut the trunk, and grabbed the last two. Satisfied that the car was locked and they had everything they needed, Adam carried both bags with one hand, and snaked the other around Guy's waist, leading him to the door.

  


Dinner was relatively quiet, Guy's parents eyeing him warily. Guy was beginning to feel uncomfortable, and asked Adam to tell his parents about the scouts that were coming to see him later in the week, successfully gearing the conversation to a brighter topic, and the stares off of him.

  


Guy, content that his parents were no longer staring him down for the time being, them being enthralled by Adam's good news, used this time to really watch Adam.

  


Before, when Adam had told Guy about the scouts, they were driving home from the mall. Adam was paying attention to the road and Guy couldn't get a good look at his face.

  


Now, as Guy sat across from him, there was nothing in his way, and he forgot about his meal, as Adam's face lit up with excitement.

  


"... and so the scouts are bringing a few of the actual Rangers for me to play with, and if I do well, I'll make it to minors, only because their roster is full. If someone gets injured I'll take their spot, and by next year, I'll have a permanent position on the team!" Adam finished, his eyes now locked with his boyfriend's across the table.

  


"Adam, that's incredible!" Guy's mom explained.

  


"We're proud of you," Guy's dad added, "How does your father feel?"

  


"He's thrilled. But he's nervous. I don't blame him," Adam chuckled, as he subconsciously flexed his wrist a bit.

  


Conversation shifted from Adam to Guy's younger sister speaking happily about the school play she was in, and how she had the lead. After dinner, Adam and Guy told the Germaine's to relax and they would clean up.

  


"When do you want me to say something?" Adam asked, once he was sure they were alone in the kitchen.

  


"When we're done, I'm going upstairs, to put my clothes away. You can tell my parents. I'll come down, we'll all talk about it, and then we can leave."

  


_ Oh_ _Guy, if it were only that simple_, "What if they want you to stay?"

  


"I'm twenty years old, they can't make me stay," Guy smirked.

  


Sure enough, when they were finished, Guy headed up the back stairs, leaving Adam to face the parents.

  


"Uh, Mr Germaine? Mrs. Germaine?" he asked tentatively as he stood in the doorway to the living room.

  


"Adam! Come sit down," Mr Germaine pointed to the chair next to him.

  


As he crossed the room, Guy's mother asked where he went.

  


"He's upstairs, putting his clothes away. He uhh," Adam sat down on the edge of the chair, folding his hands in his land, "He wanted me to tell you something."

  


Guy's father put his paper down, Guy's mother, her book.

  


Adam took a deep breath, telling himself he was doing this for Guy.

  


"He wanted me to tell you that what happened back in L.A. wasn't a suicide attempt. It was an accident."

  


The room was silent.

  


He waited for a few minutes for the Germaine's reactions, and when he perceived to be getting none, he opened his mouth.

  


But he quickly shut it as Mr Germaine spoke up.

  


"Tell me Adam, what do you think? Do you think it was an accident?"

  


Adam's lower jaw dropped, his mouth gaping, as he stared at nothing in particular.

  


"I, uhh," he found his voice, "I'm not sure," he finished up quietly.

  


Mr Germaine nodded.

  


"I mean," Adam went on, "I want to believe that it was an accident. And when he told me about it, he truly sounded as if it were an accident. He said it just went too deep and he immediately tried to stop the bleeding. I talked to the psychologist that evaluated him in the hospital, and he didn't think Guy meant it."

  


"Do you know why he didn't want us to come out there?" Mrs. Germaine asked. She sounded hurt.

  


Adam nodded, swallowed, and spoke, "He told me that it was because nothing had happened, that it was just an accident, and he didn't want you guys to worry. I don't think he realized that by you not seeing him, it would make you all worry more."

  


"I'm just glad he's back and he's safe," Mrs. Germaine breathed, "And I trust that you're taking excellent care of him."

  


Adam blushed. Yes, he was taking care of him alright.

  


The Germaines were taking this better than he thought they would've.

  


"Hey guys, what's up?" Guy bounded into the living room. He sat down next to his mom, and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Adam, sitting back in his chair, noticed that Guy's shirt was a size too big, and allowed him to stretch his limbs without his wrists showing. 

  


Guy tossed a little smile towards Adam, knowing what he was looking at.

  


Guy chatted with his mom about little things, such as how the rest of the family was doing, and asking about school for his younger siblings.

  


Adam smiled, watching, as Guy's father joined the conversation. 

  


Adam didn't mind not being a part of it. He liked just sitting back, observing, taking it all in.

  


He smiled to himself, thinking that things were getting back to normal. That all it needed was time.

  


"What are you smiling about Banksie?" Guy said playfully.

  


Adam shook his head, "Nothing."

  
  
  
  
  
  



	13. I Will Carry You

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


He sat on the edge of the bathtub, tears streaming down his cheeks. His eyes were red and puffy, his hair disheveled, and his clothes, wrinkled from sleep.

  


In his left hand, his right wrist was being cradled. 

  


The scouts had come to see him today, and after some one-on-one, they put him in a mini-scrimmage with a few players from the Rangers. He was doing great, until he got checked into the boards, and without thinking, he put his right hand between himself and the sides of the rink.

  


It didn't hurt then - he kept skating. And at the end, the scouts offered him a deal with their minor league team, with a clause saying he could be moved up to the professional league at their discretion. He was thrilled!

  


Later that day, Guy and Adam went out for dinner and a movie to celebrate, culminating in a night of passionate love-making. His wrist didn't bother him once.

  


It was during the night, after the two had showered and dressed, as well as fallen asleep, did Guy roll over onto Adam's wrist, trapping it underneath his weight and bending it in an unnatural position.

  


Adam awoke in pure pain, an agonizing wail escaping his lips.

  


He tumbled away from Guy, freeing his wrist from underneath the sleeping man. Guy just rolled over, not waking up at all.

  


He raced out of the bedroom, closing the door behind him out of habit, and ended up in the bathroom. As he flipped on the light, he saw, in the four seconds he was staring at his wrist, it rapidly changed from his normal flesh color to ugly shades of purple and blue and black and even a hint of green and yellow. 

  


Now here he was, crying to himself, the pain quickly becoming unbearable. He couldn't get to his pain medication, which was in the medicine cabinet. His left hand was holding his right, and when Adam tried to get the medication with his left, and his wrist screamed in pain from having to support itself.

  


It would be useless to try to go back and wake Guy up. The only way to wake him up if he was in a deep sleep was to jump up and down on him. He had to get to his parents. 

  


But how? He'd have to open the bedroom door, and he didn't think he could take it. He decided on trying for the pain medication, before going to wake up his mom and dad.

  


His tears dropped onto his wrist, as he stood, and he carefully arranged his right wrist against his abs. With his long left arm, he reached for the cabinet.

  


FUCK!

  


They weren't there!!

  


Adam nearly began to hyperventilate as he racked his brain for where they could be. And then he remembered; he threw them into his hockey bag this morning, fearing he might need them.

  


And his hockey bag was in his car.

  


Adam thought quick. He would just have to go to his parents without the pills. He exited the bathroom and padded quickly down the hall to his parent's bedroom.

  


He was beginning to feel light headed from the pain.

  


"Mom?" he opened the door. Pain shot up his arm, and his legs felt like weak and wobbly, like jell-o.

  


"Dad?" he called.

  


"Adam?" his mom sat up, turning the bedside light on.

  


"My wrist ..." was all he got out, before he blacked out from the pain.

  


"Philip, call 911," his mom shook her husband awake, and jumped out of bed,

  


She rushed to Adam and rolled him onto his back, so he wasn't laying on his wrist.

  


"What's wrong Marie?" Philip asked, rubbing his eyes and looking towards his wife, "Oh my God, what happened?"

  


"He passed out," Marie said, as she tried to bring Adam back to consciousness.

  


Philip picked up the phone and dialed 911 before she even finished her sentence.

  


Guy had awakened now, having noticed the empty place beside him. He got up and checked the bathroom, looking for Adam. He figured that Adam had gone outside to think about his newfound success.

  


But as he passed Adam's parent's bedroom, he heard words he never wanted to hear.

  


"Adam, wake up - come back to me," his mom's voice was full of concern, "Please, open your eyes."

  


Guy pushed the door open, and his eyes fell on Adam, laying motionless on the ground, his mother hovered over him. Out of the corner of his eye, Guy could see Mr. Banks on the phone, but couldn't make out what he was saying. 

  


All he could think about was Adam, laying on the ground. 

  


Guy immediately thought of the worst situation possible: that Adam had attempted suicide. But there was no blood.

  


But - he could've overdosed.

  


Guy cursed at himself for even thinking such a thought. Adam was stronger than he was, Adam had no reason.

  


"Mrs. Banks?"

  
  
  
  


Adam opened eyes slowly, but shut them quickly. The light was too bright.

  


His movements however, did not go unnoticed by Guy.

  


"Hey there," Guy smiled, reaching over for Adam's left hand.

  


"Hey," Adam lolled his head over to the side, and smiled at Guy.

  


Anyone could still he was still a little out of it, he had a small dosage of morphine dripping into his veins to and subside the pain.

  


"Hey sweetheart," his mom came to his other side, sweeping his hair off his forehead.

  


"How are you feeling son?" his dad asked, coming up behind his mother.

  


"Good," he smiled.

  


"Well then," she grinned at Guy, "We'll let you two be. Come Philip, let's go get a cup of coffee," and she grabbed her purse, pulling her husband out of the room.

  


Adam turned again, and was now looking at Guy again.

  


"What are you smiling about, huh?" Adam chuckled.

  


"I was just thinking."

  


"About what?"

  


"You know, I haven't had any of those images of Connie in the last two weeks, since I've been back with you. Really, I'm just so happy to be back with you," he brought Adam's left hand to his mouth, and left a sweet kiss.

  


"You've been feeling alright?" 

  


"I feel wonderful Adam."

  


Adam grinned. Maybe they'd finally beat the demons within Guy. 

  


He turned to look at the room, taking in the few machines he was hooked to. 

"Guy?" Adam pondered, "What happened? Why am I here?" 

  


"Your wrist. You blacked out. Now that you're awake, they'll give you a check-up and you can probably go home in the morning."

  


"Did they..." Adam trailed off, finally realizing his right arm was in a full cast.

  


Guy saw the fear in Adam's eyes.

  


"Ad."

  


But then Adam did something unexpected.

  


He began to laugh.

  


A deep, body-shaking laugh.

  


Guy instinctively moved back.

  


Adam threw his head back, tears of laughter streaming down his cheeks.

  


"Why are you laughing?" Guy was a little freaked out.

  


Adam slowly brought his laughter to his chuckle, and then suddenly, his tears turned from ones of joy to ones of sadness.

  


Guy moved in quickly, climbing onto the edge of the bed, pulling Adam close.

  


"Shush, don't cry," Guy whispered, rubbing his back soothingly.

  


Adam pulled away enough to speak, "I'm really not destined to play hockey, am I?"

  


"Maybe not play. You can still coach. You know the game in and out and any team would be lucky and honored to have you as their coach," Guy reassured.

  


Adam began to calm, "I'm sick of it. I'm sick of always having to be careful, of always ending up hurt anyways."

  


Guy left a chaste kiss on the top of Adam's head and pulled back, "No Adam. I understand that it's frustrating, but it makes you a stronger person."

  


Adam sniffed and looked up at Guy through his tears.

  


"I admire you - It's one of the things I love about you. You're strong, so strong. I don't think you realize it," Guy started to tear, "Back in L.A. when I thought of you, all I could think and see and hear, was you telling me that I was stronger than just walking out. I was only strong because I had you. Without you, I was weak, I had no confidence," Guy paused, and thought hard about what he was going to say next, and what it would mean, "Without you - I had no reason to live. And I thought I had lost you for good. That I screwed up big time."

  


Adam's eyes clouded with confusion. _Wait, Guy did try to commit suicide?_ He reached his hand up, and gingerly touched Guy's cheek.

  


Guy pulled away, ashamed with what he just admitted.

  


"But I talked to Julie, rather, she talked to me, about Connie. About the end of Connie's life. And how Connie knew about us. She told me not to feel wrong about how I felt for you. Adam, that it was okay to love you. And that Connie's fate was not mine," Guy turned away, and looked down at his sneakers.

  


Adam tried to touch him again, this time successfully resting his palm on his leg.

  


"You make me strong Adam, because you're strong. You don't need me like I need you," Guy placed a hand on top of Adam's.

  


"I need you just as much Guy. If I'm strong for any reason, it's because of you," Adam whispered.

  


Guy squeezed his hand.

  


Adam sat up and attempted to hug Guy. However, due to his full arm case, he couldn't bend his arm the way it needed to bend in order to give a proper hug.

  


"Uhh, umm," Adam said, trying to find the best way.

  


They both erupted into a fit of giggles, and finally, Adam laid back, and Guy rested on his chest, his arms wrapped around Adam's neck.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


Epilogue:

  


Adam led Guy slowly into the room, and after they stopped, he took off the blindfold.

  


"What's this?" Guy looked around the furnished apartment.

  


"My parents got it for us," Adam said, showing Guy around quickly, "There are a lot of other students that live here, as well as other people too," he explained.

  


Guy walked around the living room and peeked into the kitchen, "Ours?"

  


Adam came up behind Guy and wrapped his arms around his waist, "No roommates, just us," he dropped his lips to Guy's bare neck.

  


He twisted in Adam's arms and met his lips with eagerness and passion.

  


"Where's the bedroom?" Guy breathed.

Adam chuckled, "This way speed racer."

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Fini**

A/N: I hate author's notes ... but I just wanted to let you know, there's more in the works ... where this story is done, I've decided to create a whole little "universe"? Sorta ... there's one more test to Adam and Guy's relationship, and then there's an emphasis on Julie and Russ, which will give insight to Connie her senior year, and what happened during Julie's visit ... and how about a twist on Charlie (and by the way ... I hate Charlie, if you couldn't tell, so don't expect anything good). I can't give you a time line of when these two stories will begin to show up on ff.net, but they will come, hopefully before Christmas, at least one will begin (which will be a result of me NOT studying for finals)

  


Happy holidays ... and please review! And thanks for the nomination of Finally Home. Ya'll rock my socks!


End file.
